Sorry Better now | Arthritis Information

 

1 finger typing.  This is the worst I have ever been.To those of you who have known me since I first posted, May 2005, know I fought this disease all the way.  Onset was Sept 2004.  Hospitalized.  I am scared.  I am crippled.  Cannot walk without cane or walker.  In pain, ALL OVER AND INTENSE.  I took my Enbrel shot today.  Maybe I have done it all wrong.  I fought it and I feel like I lost.  I am sorry this is so depressing but I could never tell anyone else this.  I feel crippled.  I can't take care of myself.  My daughter takes care of me.  It happened so fast.  I don't blame Brett.  I don't want to be with this body How much prednisone are you on?  Have you been on methotrexate?  How about the Remicade infusions?  My RD put me on all this and it has controlled it somewhat... however.... just back from Vegas and was in soooo much pain..  The knees and swollen fingers and toes are worse than before.  Maybe too much playing???  hummm
Roxy, I know this is probably not related at all, but could the pain seem worse because you have stopped smoking? Just a theory as I have never smoked.  I feel so bad for you Roxy.  If it were me and I know that we all hate prednisone, but I would double up on it and see what happens.
Keep us informed Roxy. 

I am feeling like an idiot.  I called Deanna.  She had me take some prednisone and relafin and I am better.  I just get so scared.  I am so sorry.  I just get scared.  Do you remember Hula.  Her and I had so much in common.  I am so afraid I am going to lose my independence completely.  I am deleting this post.  It embarrasses me.  Thank God for AI.  I meet wonderful people like you N & T, Vicki, Crunchy and especially Deanna.  I am over panic.  SORRY SORRY SORRRY

Don't ever apologize. You have every right to feel that way. We all do
sometimes and you have certainly had your world rocked recently.

One day at a time...that's it. Kinda like that movie "What About Bob?"

Baby steps....

Let us know how you are doing...I hope the pred. helps out.
Becky

I love that movie. I am totally going to go buy a goldfish and wear it
around my neck like he does....

I can take these temporary setbacks but sometimes they feel permanent and then I get SCARED.  I am not ready for a wheelchair.  I have to much to do.  I hate pred. but it worked.  It calmed me down and the pain i can cope with.  Sometimes, I really don't cope.  My biggest fear is RA will win.  I am so determined that won't happen.  Roxy... we all are here to vent, scream, yell, laugh and giggle.. so remember that when you want to do any of those things.  That gives me permission to do the same... By the way, don't know who Hula is?  Where did she go?  I hope she's okay.

Roxy - so sorry to hear you feel so bad

Sweetie, you have just gone through moving..and it was a moving experience from hell that stretched out for months....it is stressful for anyone to buy a home and move. You have just gone through marital hell....the anger, pain, worry about Brett...you are trying to care for a grown daughter that needs your constant supervision...and you have been worried sick about finances. All things being justified...and OUT OF YOUR CONTROL.....and you have been working through this like a trooper...but YOU know...RA doesnt like stressed minds...and it takes it all out on the body.

You know that your life is gonna get better. Your Brett will get better....I know you have faith. You WILL get settled into your home...the money will come. Have faith in God, in your family, and in your friends. It will all work out...and the RA will retreat. This is just a bad flare...it has been in the works since....June? July? And it will pass.

I am making you a promise...it is gonna get better....and I dont make promises I cant keep!!!!

That is what I need to hear.  It is gonna get better.  Thanks.

Hula was very special.  She had aggressive RA and ended up in a foster home in a wheel chair.  She was younger than me.  We talked a lot.  Our disease progress was very similar.  She is much braver than I am.  I miss her as she understood what it is like to have it attack you so suddenly and devastatingly.  She has not been on the boards for awhile. 

Well I hate to admit it but pred. is what I needed.  I just weaned off

I am calm again and this really encourages me to take it easy some more.  My body is worn out and it is telling me so.  I need to listen and to listen to all of the good advice y'all share with me.  We all have a love/hate relationship with pred but it can work wonders.

Glad that you are feeling better...things will get better.

becky
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