My pain by no means is under control. I am just taking more painkillers and it is so hard on my stomach. I hate this but I am going to ask about morphine on Monday. I cannot take this any longer. I have never been so depressed. Thank you Deanna. She helped me cope. Brett called and I was hysterical. He promised me everything is going to be OK, I should go on morphine which is huge as his ex-wife overdosed in his bed on morphine and other pain drugs. He woke to her dead and tried CPR and called 911 but no saving her.
He promised me a full body massage when he got back and he said we are going to work on our marriage. It is only 12 more days. Tomorrow I am going to try to get in to see new internal medicine for pain control. She has like five messages from me on Friday trying to get something to control it. I am not going to hospital. Everything I love is here in my new home except for Brett. I have all my pets and MY KELSEY who has been amazing. She told me this morning she feels so bad for me. She said MY spirit is broken. Well yesterday I thought my foot was broken and it is better today. Maybe my spirit can be fixed. I am so sorry you are having so much pain. I hope you feel better soon. I hate the medications too. You have ben such an uplifter here on this sight I hope you can tackle the depression. Remember we are not alone... hang in there. I will say extra prayers for you.
Pain Management can be a godsend! They definitely treat the whole
person---not just like some drs who treat the problem.
If you can't get in the ER might be best. I hate to say it since I know how
much you don't want to go. They crazy thing about Pain Management
Clinics and Doctors is that they are for people who are in pain but they
make you wait forever for openings! Something's just not quite right with
that! An ER referral may get you in faster. I hope for your sake the dr.
calls you back.
Feel Better!
Becky
I do believe our spirits can be fixed when they are broken by life's sometimes brutal storms. The key, I think, can be found in the things we love. If we hold on to those things tightly, our spirit can transcend the physical limitations of our body and find peace. I don't mean to make it sound easy though. It's a constant struggle to see beyond the pain that our bodies sometimes screams at us. Love is a powerful force, however. I don't know if the rest of this post will be meaningful to you but I'll give it a shot. In his epic poem, Endymion, Keats tells how Endymion had become deeply depressed after struggling through some difficult times. His sister found him and took care of him...something we all need now and then. The words are beautiful and I find them soothing.
"O magic sleep! O comfortable bird,
That broodest o’er the troubled sea of the mind
Till it is hush’d and smooth! O unconfin’d
Restraint! imprisoned liberty! great key
To golden palaces, strange minstrelsy,
Fountains grotesque, new trees, bespangled caves,
Echoing grottos, full of tumbling waves
And moonlight; aye, to all the mazy world
Of silvery enchantment! - who, upfurl’d
Beneath thy drowsy wing a triple hour,
But renovates and lives? - Thus, in the bower,
Endymion was calm’d to life again.
Opening his eyelids with a healthier brain,
He said: «I feel this thine endearing love
All through my bosom: thou art as a dove
Trembling its closed eyes and sleeked wings
About me; and the pearliest dew not brings
Such morning incense from the fields of May,
As do those brighter drops that twinkling stray
From those kind eyes, - the very home and haunt
Of sisterly affection."
I hope you find some peace and someone to take care of you.
Alan
Alan, What would we do without you. I love the poetry you write and share. Please stay with us always. You are so full of enlightenment and love.
Thanks Beccy, Rocky. I am somewhat comfortable today. I don't want drama. I am going to try to get to see internal med doctor tomorrow. She double my percocet so there is no doubt she believes I am in pain. I don't think anyone would doubt it.
Oh Roxy, I'm so sorry sweetie!!! I hope they can get you in ASAP. If at all possible, just go nutso on the phone....seemed to work for me last week (instead of Dec 5th, I'm getting in to see RD tomorrow).I am glad that you are going to call to explore your options for pain control. Pain control is so important for us both physically and emotionally.
Everything will get better and we will make it through.