Most of you, I'm sure, are familiar with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' "Five Stages of Grief." Though they were originally recognized as 5 stages through which dying people progressed, they're now understood as stages anyone goes through, when dealing with catastrophic changes.
As a refresher, the stages can are: Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression, Acceptance, and can be experienced at any time, in any order. Of course, the ideal would be to some day land on Acceptance, and stay there. You can see the 5 stages further explained here: http://http://www.cancersurvivors.org/Coping/end%20term/stag es.htm (Sorry: don't have the link-y thing figured out yet!)
I'm curious as to how other people might have experienced/be experiencing any of these stages. For example, I think I'm hopping back and forth between Denial and Bargaining right now. My denial sounds like, Other people have really BAD cases of RA, but mine probably won't progress that far. My Bargaining sounds like, OK God, I got RA, so that exempts me from other illnesses, like cancer or MS, right?
Anyone else?
Blue heron, oh yeah, count me in.
Like you I looked up the grief stages again when I figured out what I had. I like to get ahead on the homework and all.
Prior grief experiences have been all mixed up in the stages with lots of loopty-loops, so I'm not surprised this one is for me too. I've had at least some, and in some cases plenty, of all five so far, and sometimes it's hard to tell which is which.
I think it helps a whole lot to have a name for what we're feeling (the stages) and to know that it's not only normal but necessary to go through these feeling stages. Trying to deny, ignore, or suppress them for long will get us into trouble. Getting really stuck in one or more stages will also get us into trouble. I'm glad to have the model as a guidepost. Helps me with the fantasy that I'm in control.
I use the model to play games with myself too. "I'm in denial right now and I like it just fine." "I'm really ticked off today and that's ok. Today can be my ticked off day." "I gave in to feeling so depressed yesterday. Today I want to get my act together and move forward."
Not that we can experience these stages in a day! I guess we'll be doing it for a lifetime, and I expect to spend weeks or months at a time mainly in one or another of the stages. I count on my lingering sanity and those around me to step in if one stage takes too long or takes too much out of me. But when I'm pinging around all of them like now, I like to feel like each post I bounce off of is at least familiar and not a permanent condition.
I agree with you RKGal, my feelings change back and forth. I find I can live in denial better than any of the others. Acceptance almost feels like giving up, so I haven't gone there yet. So for the most part I do the denial bit, until PMS week. Then the giant pink elephant sitting next to me all month starts poking me demanding I feed him some depression.
I've embraced RA and accepted it. Doesn't mean I've given up or that I'm complacent. I have much less turmoil in my life, both emotionally and physically once I accepted the idea that I had an incurable disease that would be painful everyday of my life.
I don't know how long I'll stay in this stage but for now this feels right. Have been through all the other stages many times and this feels right for me. I'm at peace with the disease and take whatever the day brings. This has only come about since I retired. I don't think I would have fully embraced RA when I was working and had so many other responsibilites. I was diagnosed with PA this spring and forget embracing that sucker.....I'm really pis%#$ed off about it. See back and forth. There is no balance with this disease.
Acceptance of arthritis then requires a choice between two options, which are: wallow in self-pity or find other activities which will quite likely result in new interests.
To wallow in self-pity makes everyone around you miserable and angry because they aren't responsible for your health issues either. You risk driving away the very people who care for you and that you quite likely rely on.
To accept the fact you have arthritis allows you to identify ways that life can lead to the fullest life possible with a
minimum of sacrifice.
Watching Wolf,
Thanks for your definition of acceptance. I have been struggling with the concept of acceptance because to me it seemed like giving up and resigning myself to the fact that the ra had won. You have given me a new way to think. thank you.
jamie
Once in a great while I think I may be on my way to acceptance but the truth is - I still have a lot of anger, denial, and depression. It has been two years.What gives? I am a good person, the best I can be to all, kind and true. I am now starting to think for the first time, why me?
If I cant work, our family will lose our modest home, everything we have struggled for. I am blessed with a wonderful employer and supportive husband and kids but it only makes the nightmare slightly more bearable.
I feel like my whole life has been a struggle but I have made good decisions, many sacrifices for my children and family....so why?
This disease is horrible, I hate it and I would rather tackle cancer then this insidious unknown invader!
There, Ive got that off my chest!