Along with my disease, I am afraid. Everyday activities are huge efforts.
I'm afraid my life has little value. I'm afraid at every doctor visit. When the doctor asks how I feel, I invariably reply, fine. I'm afraid of being sick. I'm afraid of abnormal test results. I'm afraid for my husband and his disease. And I'm afraid to speak this way to my loved ones and friends. Pain and disability are not the worst parts of disease, it is the fear which erodes the soul. I used to believe that I could accomplish almost anything, meet any challenge, but fear is weakening my resolve.
Depression is far more preferable.
[QUOTE=beingbebe]Along with my disease, I am afraid. Everyday activities are huge efforts. I'm afraid my life has little value. I'm afraid at every doctor visit. When the doctor asks how I feel, I invariably reply, fine. I'm afraid of being sick. I'm afraid of abnormal test results. I'm afraid for my husband and his disease. And I'm afraid to speak this way to my loved ones and friends. Pain and disability are not the worst parts of disease, it is the fear which erodes the soul. I used to believe that I could accomplish almost anything, meet any challenge, but fear is weakening my resolve. Depression is far more preferable.[/QUOTE]
Wow, that is so sad and beautiful; they should give that to newly diagnosed people to wear, like a badge, to say all the things they can't say. Thanks for posting.
http://arthritis.about.com/cs/depression/a/psychtoll.htm
I relate to your message, as I sit here feeling I have no one to tell how hopeless I feel about my future. How I dislike the person I have become who is always in pain and little sense of humour. I hate my limitations. I was always so active, now I question do I really need to go down stairs to get mail. I feel know one would want to spend time with me in this state. Wow I didn't realize I felt so down. You take care and we will look for the silver lining. Thank you both for your replies. I feel like I'm going to explode sometimes and it really helps to vent. Your kindness and empathy are appreciated. I know the silver lining may be obscured, but it's there somewhere. Hi there. I just found this sight a few days ago. I have been so depressed lately. We moved to a differ state because my husband is in the military. He is even in the medical field and is the one that ran the test to see why I was in pain all of the time. I am exhausted and I have 3 children. I feel so alone and I do not have any support. I feel sad and do not like being so pitiful. I know no one knows I feel this way. It is nice to have someone who is going through similar things. Thanks for listening.