First I want to say I have really enjoyed sitting here reading all the threads. There are so many wonderful people on this board. When I am flaring, I post to try to get some relief, believe it or not, it works. But I don't read a lot of other threads. Concentration is very difficult for me in a flare.
I have been much better. I think I can give y'all a lot of the credit. When I flare like that, it is like you hold my hand and get me through it. I am so grateful to all of you.
Yesterday was the first sunny nice day in Oregon for a long time since I have been here. I got up and the house was so trashed, I knew I could not do anything fun if I didn't work on house. You know - NEW HOUSE SYNDROME
Anyway, Brett called in the middle of it. I realized how much pent up hostility I have against him. I started yelling at him about when times get tough - he gets drinking, how I could never depend on him, full out rant and rave. I did not realize how much anger I had inside. I know it probably did not do him much good, but it made me realize - it will be a long time before I trust him again. You have to know - we have very good insurance - these rehabs he goes to are like Club Med. I wish I could take a Club Med. vacation every time life gets a little rough
Kelsey is being a sweetheart. She went off one of her meds as it made her sick and she has me a little worried. I know she hallucinates a lot and has voices but yesterday she started staring at me and I said - Kelsey - what is wrong? She said Mom - Is your head attached to your body. I see it circling above your head
Yesterday afternoon I took the dogs for a walk, it was AMAZING. I walked with a straight back and a jaunt to my step. I appreciated every step of it. I have been taking them out everday as I do not have to go as far with Abby. Tyler and Abby run ahead. It is wonderful to see them play and it is so depressing when Tyler run's into things. I sneak them out to a soccer field that there are fewer barriers. Every time I come home, Tyler needs a little medical treatment.
So to no one's surprise. I think I overdid it yesterday. Last night it was pain pills and 8 pm bedtime. It felt so good to get the house smelling good again, looking homey AND get a walk in. I really try moderation, the 15 minute thing was good advice, but when I get better after a bad flare, there is so much catch up to do. I just can't relax in a dirty house and I hate to waste sunny days now that I am in Oregon
OH, ONE MORE STORY. Yesterday after walk I went to the grocery store. Then Kelsey went to get coffee for us and I went to rent movies - we are rotating scary movie family movie lol. Scary movies are only during the day
Colton gets here Dec. 1 and I am feeling the pressure to get his room ready. I am trying to resist as it is a lot of lifting but it is hard for me not to make him feel loved and special after he has been gone so long. I have to get him registered in school this week. Brett comes home right after all that. The house population will double - that is going to be interesting
Becky, I so wish I could store my energy. I am sitting here waiting for my Enbrel shot to warm. I have a love/hate relationship with my Enbrel just like Pred. The good thing about this move to Oregon is the rain. It makes me want to build a fire and just stay indoors. Kelsey wanted to go to church today but I really don't want to go out in this. I hope she forgives me. My alter is the trees and my faith is in how I see God in so many people and nature. I do not need to go to church. It is just because I love singing gospel songs
Sounds like you are in the Christmas spirit. I am hoping this will be a quiet one and no one will be dissapointed. The kids are getting older and they understand how broke we are. We did the secret Santa and are going to visit my family. I don't even know if we will get the tree. My decorations are still in Brett's garage. Yep, low key Christmas is fine with me
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