I never thought I'd see the day when I'd say this but...
I really don't want to work here. I don't know if I'm just sick of it, because this is the second time I've worked at this hotel, and some of the same problems keep coming up, or if I'm just burned out.
But I do know that I dread every work day now. I dread having to get out of bed. My days at work drag on and on and I'm always so incredibly sore when I get home, and I'm always so damn tired. I have no motivation for this place any more.
I know how to do my job very well, but I feel like I'm so much slower than everyone now, and my mind isn't with it half the time. And there's another girl that works here who's TERRIBLE and somehow they are constantly having her come in for the big meetings and sh*t.
It hurts. But I'm not going to pitch a fit about it (which is how she got the position that she has, btw) I'm not like that. It just hurts because I was asked about all of these things that she is doing, and I expressed great interest and even started them, only to have a couple days off work and come back, and she's doing them.
I could go on and on but it won't do any good. Maybe I'm becoming depressed again. What do you think? I'm sick of being sick and tired. I'm tired of being sore and sleepy. I'm just plain tired.
I wanna go home.
I don't know Katie. It's so hard to separate out what is our illness is contributing and just what is a bad job situation. Try to put it on paper, talk to Justin about it. Step back and look at it. What is it you really want? It sounds like it is an unfair situation that if you didn't have RA, you'd tackle head on. Is our Katie suddenly shying away? Doesn't sound like you.I know it doesn't, that's what makes me feel like the fatigue part of it has finally won. I used to really enjoy this job.....BUT...I do know this is not what I want to do with the rest of my life. So it's really hard for me to say that it's not just me finding the end of my rope here, and needed a new career path...OR am I finally that sick? I feel sick now. And I hate it. I've actually had to use wheelchairs in the stores and I've cut our out and about time down SO much.
I hate this I hate this I hate this.
I want medicine.
Katie,
You're so good at bringing others up. I wish I knew how to do that for you. I don't have your gift of light and humor! (It is a gift you have.)
What DO you want to do with the rest of your life?
And what will it take for you to get medicine? (I believe I understand that you don't have insurance right now.)
I know how going to a job that drags you down does suck the liveliness right out of you, and that's when you don't have RA and have liveliness to spare.
Sounds like you're the doing-something-different stage.
Rooting for you.
I want to be a physical therapist. But I don't know how to get the money for school. All the scholarships I've looked at, I'm not elligible for. And I refuse to do a loan...my poor aunt paid off her last student loan when she was 45. NO THANKS! :)
After getting this all of my chest, and talking to Liz a little, I'm feeling better. I think it's been at the back of my mind, brewing, and I just really needed a release. Thanks for listening :)
Katie, I understand. I found it a terribly hard decision to quit working. There are options like Vocational Rehab and job accomodation. But the question is whether or not you want to keep doing the kind of work you're doing. It doesn't sound like quitting working is what you want to do. It sounds more like you need a job with benefits that accepts your limitations. If that is the case, start with your state Vocational Rehab and see what can be done. They will either help you make adjustment to your current job or help you move to another job. They will even pay for you to get training for a field that would suit you better.
Changing jobs might help you get benefits. Depending on the state you are in though, you might qualify for a state high risk pool. In fact, both of you might.
The other route, of course, is disability. It is a terrible option when you don't have any financial resources or family to help you along. But if you get to the point where you just can't work at anything any more, then you really have no choice.
I suspect that you have more to accomplish. Explore all your options. Ask tons of questions. Find out what is available in your area. Maybe it would take no more than talking to your boss. I did that a few times and they made changes to help me keep my job longer.
I'm sorry that this is where you are right now because it's a place that hurts real deep. Being so young, it must be all that much harder. But you are one that overcomes. Everyone can see that about you.
So post each question. Find a disability advocate. Go to http://www.jan.wvu.edu/portals/state_local.htm for job accomodation info. Check out your state services for the disabled including medical. AZ has a program that helps you keep working if you need medical treatment by providing a very low cost medical plan. Your state might have something similar, especially since AZ seems slower than most states to progress.
Also try these programs. I don't much about them, but they are a place to start.
http://www.freemedicineprogram.org/requirements.html
Prescription Assistance Programs:
University Medical Centers:
State or local listing in telephone directory; inquire about research protocols, ‘sliding fee’ programs
Vocational Rehabilitation:
Phone Numbers for State Vocational Rehab Services listed at or go to State Government listing (Blue pages) in telephone directory – If your long range goals include returning to gainful employment, this can be an entry-way to resources for health care
I hope this helps.
Katie, if you want to be a physical therapist, then Vocational Rehab just might be the thing for you. Talk to Roxy. She got all kinds of grants for school. She said there are lots of scholarships available.
I think that is a wonderful choice because it will help you stay strong and treat whatever problems do come up.
I love the physical therapists that I have had. Oh, go for it, girl!
Katie, how about grants for school? My son looked into something called a Pell grant, I think. He lives in Oregon and I'm pretty sure there were other grants he qualified for.
When I'm aching all over and so tired I don't want to move my whole outlook on life changes. I'm like this quite a bit. I get very down. I understand how you feel. We all do. Hang in there Katie. Tomorrow is a brand new day. Hugs
Katie, I'll add my own encouragement about contacting vocational rehab. There are numerous programs from tuition assistance to employment assistance and assistive technologies for disabled adults.
I had my undergraduate college education paid for by a state voc rehab program because of a medical condition that made it statistically more difficult for me to get employment or keep work, even though I had no functional disability at that time.
They have rehab counselors who can help guide you through the system.
Our tax dollars at work. Go get 'em.
Florida vocational rehab:
http://www.rehabworks.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=SubMain.About
And Katie, I love how easily you answered what you really want to be doing.
Also, I think it helps to have 'something better to do' than hurt-whether it's our work or something else. By that I don't mean to pretend that our pain is easily forgettable or surmountable. I just mean some things help give us meaning and the motivation to keep going to have something constant in our lives that lifts us past the pain even though the pain is still there, and it's worth a lot of effort to find out what those 'something betters' are that we can do now. I'm kind of doing that myself now.
It seems like for some of you that 'something better' is your kids, which is cool.
Katie, clearly your 'something better' is not your hotel job! I hope it might be your new career in physical therapy, if that's the way you go.
Good luck.
OMG I love you guys. I think I might cry. I don't have the ability to look at all the links right now, as I'm at work. Can't say for sure that I'll have the chance to before my next day off either. But I'll sure try!
I'm not elligible for a Pell Grant, because in order to be "independant" you have to:
Have a child, be married, be an oprhan, have served in the armed forces, or have parents who are deceased. Otherwise you have to be born after before January 1st, 1983. I was born October 14, 1983. :|
So next fall the date will rotate to January 1st, 1984, then I can do it. But I don't want to wait that long :(
I want to be a physical therapist in the children's area. I want to help recovering cancer kids walk again. And kids who were in a wreck. And kids with CP and MS and just any kid, really. :)
Once again thank you all so much. :)
I knew nothing could stop you. You have too much spirit. I think what you want to do is amazing. Start following your dreams. Some days, it is my dreams that are the only thing that get me through.
With what you want to do, I bet there is all kind of funding. Also, if you become a full-time student, you will most likely get health benefits.
I couldn't be a full time student right now, not without a helluvalot of grants. LoL I could do part time, and still work. If I was full time, I could not work. It would kill me, my body just isn't up to it. I'll figure something out. Or it will come to me. Life has a funny way of working itself out sometimes.Yeah ... our old Katie is back! You are so good at giving us advice.... wise beyond your years are you!!! I know it sucks big time when you don't enjoy what you are doing... and, no insurance is a BIGGIE~ so, look into a path that offers insurance and retirement! I didn't! It's all on me.... the woes of being in Real Estate! You are so talented, you must pursue your dreams."wise beyond your years are you!!!"
Alrighty then Yoda....
LOL Yes, ole wise one..... you keep me young!! (or younger...)
I really enjoy reading your postings. I had a really bad week last week and reading about all of you and you going through the same feelings and pains that I am have really helped. Katie, you are so young and yet so wise with your words. And Deanna, you have given me a lot of knowledge about some meds. I applaud this web site and everyone's ability to share their feelings. Sometimes we have questions, but just not the guts to ask it.
Yay. Everyone do the happy dance now! LoL Thank you gk. I'm only like this with things that I find interesting, or that I have a love for. You just get me talking about child development. Oh lordie! I'd be on a roll!If you can muster up the energy its worth it, follow those dreams, it is possible to do it, really it is.
My work is definitely suffering, in fact every facet of my life is, but hopefully it will improve as will yours and we can keep on plodding.
Love to all
Wendy
Well I'm pretty easy. It doesn't take much to muster some energy in me. I'm a fireball when I want to be. I just need some encouragment from time to time. This was one of those times. I find that as I get older, people are more and more willing to offer out bits of encouragment. When I was in high school, it was much harder to find someone who was there to give you a pat on the back and say "you can do it" I don't know why that is.
For those of you who have teenagers....please keep that in mind. :)
Katie, why don't you see if you can get a job working in a children's hospital or rehab facility? The experience would be valuable, you could work as receptionist or in some other position that would give you a chance to learn and observe. That way you may be able to fine tune exactly which area you are most interested in.