I have never posted on any message board for any forum, but after reading so many messages, and feeling helped by them, I really wanted to tell my story feeling that I maybe I would feel that there are people out there who understand what I going through.
I was first diagnosed with rhematoid arthritis this October. My diagnosis was the pinacle of what I considered a rather difficult year.
I got married in December 2004. After trying to have a baby unsuccessfully, I went to a fertility expert late this past Spring. The first bad news I got this year after some test by the fertility specialist was that my chances of having a baby were slim. I decided to attempt in vitro fertilization (IVF), even with which the chances were slim, but decided to give it a go and try to be hopeful. Well, it was to no avail because it failed, so badly that my doctor felt that it was not worth retrying -- not with my eggs anyway. This was right around the time of my fortieth birthday.
Then my gynecologist told me that I was likely going through menopause.
Around Columbus day in October, I had done a lot of cleaning involving lots of scrubbing and woke up the next morning and my index finger and middle finger on my right had was stiff and both my hand hurt considerably. The second joint in my middle finger had been swollen for some time. I thought I had injured it. I did some research online on my symptoms and thought that I might have RA. I realized that a very small bump that I had first notice on my palm a few months ago was likely a rheumatoid nodule. Went to the doctor and after some tests, with my symptoms and an RH factor of 500 my internist referred me to a RD, who officially diagnosed me with RA, and I was crushed --- infertility, menopause at 40, and now RA.
I had heard that 40 was the new 30, but for me with all these problems, I feel like my 40 is the new 70.
My doctor prescribed Plaquenil, and has me alternating between steroid and Mobic. For the most part, I feel fine, although I still have pain at time though never extreme pain, and I continue to have swelling in the second joint of my middle finger.
I am scared of what the future holds. I feel good now, but will I be able to continue to work? Will I lose my mobility? Will my husband and I be able to adopt kids? Will we not be candidates for adoption due to my illness?
In any event, reading the posts have helped. I have been and continue to stay positive, and live for here and now.
Well, sounds like a bad patch, I wish you a break, and god bless you with the strenght and faith to pull up and out of it all,
First of all welcome to the board. You will find a lot of support here.
I really wish that I had answers for your questions. I really do. It is too hard to predict the future under normal circumstances and virtually impossible with RA. Everything is really going to depend on how well the meds help you and how fast the RA progresses. It is different for everyone.
Plaquenil is a first line drug for RA. It can take up to 6 months to work. If you aren't feeling any improvement after 3 months or so I would go back to your doc.
Hang in there and keep posting your questions.
Hi, I am sorry that you are having a rough time. I am old to RA (17 yrs) though new to the board too. I am 42 and menopausal, yuck! However, at about 34 I decided I wanted kids, I couldn't take getting off my meds. At the time I was on methotrexate and something else I can not remember, anyway dropped getting pregnant and immediately went into adoption mode. I now have two beautiful girls from India (now 5 and 7). A long time ago I went to a RA conference (I live in Boston), at one of the workshops on fertility, a woman in a wheelchair had talked about her adoption of several kids. She was one proud woman. I just kept thinking about her. Frankly, I am greatful to have adopted. I couldn't do that do my body, getting pregnant was just not worth it to me, and there are so many kids who needs homes. If and when you go through the process just make your RA sound like something you just live with and it makes you stronger as a person and will as a mother. You know how to deal with things...
Be Well, Suzi
I'm about as new to RA as you, and I totally understand how you're feeling. Alot of the time I just want to scream, why me? I, too, don't feel too bad right now, but I can't help but wonder what the future holds. I am in the middle of a graduate program, working full-time and have two daughters 5 and 3. Where will I be in six months? A year? Although I don't know how I'll feel in the future(which is the worst of this disease), I've found a few things that are silver linings in this very big cloud.
I've learned to appreciate things I never did before. I'm happy on the days that I can work in my garden, take my (very large) puppy for a run (he runs, I don't!)lol, and play with my kids. I'm very happy that the thing that my husband and I enjoy most is playing board games, especially table top war games. Okay, that sounds weird, but board games means no running, it's so intellectually stimulating I forget that I hurt, and besides, I can kick butt - I beat my hubby more often than he beats me!
I also have learned to have way more consciousness and empathy for the many people I see around me who struggle physically to get around. I help people more, as I realize better than before what it really must be like and that I could be them someday.
Anyway, I haven't given you any of the answers you seek. Unfortunately I can't. But I've found that reading this board and partaking of the courage and laughter and thoughtfulness of these wonderful people helps me survive the rather yuchy parts of this disease. Its a journey, as all of life is, and maybe, maybe you'll find something in you better and more fulfilling because of the turn that has happened in your life.
Write more, and good luck.
Eileen
Welcome to the best group of people I have ever met....I have a hard time sometimes wondering if my family truly understands...they are supportive but everyone here is supportive AND UNDERSTANDS.
I work at Social Services and I know they are always lookinf for foster parents.......some even lead to adoption.....the children have for some part come from horrific conditions...and they relish in the love they finally feel.
Take care
You certainly have had more than your share of shocks, transitions, and helpings from behind the Not Fair door in the last couple of years. I know it doesn't help to hear that RA often appears on the heels of this kind of stress. (Not that stress causes RA, but it does seem to be the trigger for something that was going to happen anyway.)
I sympathize with your challenges. I went through the infertility trauma years ago (and many years later--I'm in my 40's, have come to both peace and gratitude, but that's not something you can even think about at this point, I know, maybe even seems cruel to consider).
Also went through the adoption question. I ended up not adopting, but RA wasn't even part of the equation for me then. If I was in a place of wanting to adopt now, like you I would have to do a lot of soul-searching about the RA issues (not the least of which is the total unknow-ability of what any of us will feel like in the future with RA). I certainly wouldn't rule it out because of RA.
I feel like any life dream that's deeply felt should be included in our lives *where possible* with RA. RA will shatter enough of our visions about our lives and futures, so I think we should keep claiming all of the parts of our selves as we can.
Honestly, my heart goes out to people who have RA and kids. To me, it feels so hard. But I'm past my personal age and stage of considering kids, so frankly having kids, without RA, sounds hard!
I know that the actuality is that for some people having kids adds back a lot of meaning and joy, and it must feel good that even having RA can't take that away.
As for working, many more people seem to be continuing to work with RA than used to. Again it's a totally personal thing.
For some, the disease hits so hard that working isn't possible. For others, working is very difficult but must be done. Still others find working very difficult but have the option of quitting or slowing down. Yet others work for decades and are happy to be able to continue their careers.
There are days with RA when everything seems impossibly hard--many or few days, depending on the person and the disease and the stage and the weather and the alignment of planets (well, it COULD be alignment of planets, for all I know in the nonsense of RA). That's going to be true whether you're parenting, working, retired, whatever.
So how, or whether, we fit life pieces like parenting and working into our lives with RA is terribly individual.
Isn't it maddening not to be able to plan or predict? Planning and predicting is supposed to be the mature, rational way to approach life. Argh. Makes ME crazy, anyway.
Good luck. RA is one day at a time. Life is, anyway, I just never admitted it or lived it that way until RA. That, I think, is both curse and blessing.
Oh, and I do think this swirling black hole of uncertainly does clear somewhat over time. Or it gets more manageable and you feel a little saner inside it.
I too was infertile and did the infertility roller coaster forever to no avail. I dropped the idea and tried to get use to the idea and guess what! Yep, my son is now 15 yrs old with parents that are as old as grandparents but we love it.
Don't totally give up yet and as you look at other options and try to deal with the really bad year you have had well, you never know.
Thank you all. It good to know that there are people out there who have been through and understand what you're going through. It helps. There are all different outcomes to RA. plan on yours to be one of the better. Your symptoms are mild which is a good sign. We have many good mothers on this board. i cannot imagine it stopping you from adopting. Come back here for support and get out there and start applying for adoption. WelcomeIt is so hard to sit back and let your life unfold in ways that you never imagined....but when you do, you see the good things, the things that matter most, and you come to understand why. Yours is a tough one, why not a child? But I know that there is an answer for you somewhere. I dont want to get to preachy on you..but I will just say this. God will reveal his answer to you when he is ready for you to know it. I know that it is hard to have patience, but one thing you learn from RA is to wait.
I wish you all of the best. I know that things will work out for you. I hope you gain some peace of mind soon. And I am so happy that you found us here. We are always around to answer any questions you may have.
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