The tension has been high. I think Brett has decided he no longer wants to be married to a cripple but Colton is here. He and I are very tight. He treats Kelsey well even though we have to get Kelsey to quit following him around
As it stands, I think Brett and I are together because of finances. No communication. I cannot wait to get my disability to get my independence. I don't know what to do because the kids are so happy. I am just doing it one day at a time.
The slow release painkillers have made all the difference in the world. No more agony. I just think real slooooooooooooooow. I cannot wait until Dec. 14 to go to rd. Also, I cannot wait to see disability doctor. I am going to try to work part time once I am on disability.
Everything is ok. I don't want to be with a man who is not committed to me. Right now it is just working out the finances and what is best for the kids. I am a way better parent to Colton than Brett is.
I did my Christmas shopping on www.Etsy.com It is Pat's site. If you like creativity and art at reasonable prices - you should check that site out. It is so much fun.
Things are getting done. Colton has his room set up but my clothes fill his closet. We were supposed to make a hole in the wall to a small room that would be my walk in closet. Brett's Dad was supposed to come out but since Brett went to rehab AGAIN his Dad is kind of fed up with him. He was going to help with making my closet.
My family is there for me and I am just waiting to cash in my retirement and sell my car. I think these painpills will enable me to work, as long as it is work that I am very familiar with. My memory is shot. I also do not like to drive as I don't trust my attention span. I am going to learn the bus system. Right now, I am just basking in having the kids around and Brett helps out.
I love you guys. I haven't come here to read for awhile. I will catch up later. Roxanne
Take care Roxy, you are doing well and hopefully everything will work out for the best.
Wendy
Oh roxy. *hugs*Brett announced moving here is "my dream and not his". He says he wants to move back to his mountain town. BUT we are putting his son in school here. I just love Colton and visa versa. Who knows what will happen. One day at a time.
I got referred to a pt that has a 92 degree pool. My old pool was 94 degrees - I hope I cannot tell the difference. I really hope pt helps. I am not in pain as long as I stay on painkillers but I cannot walk without the cane. Today especially. I must have slept on my hip
One day at a time. I love Brett but I don't want to be with anyone that does not want to be with me. The mountains where he owns property - long, very cold winters. I can't get around. No way can I go back there.
Love you alll.
Roxy just go ahead with your own stuff. Brett will most likely 'come around'.
He picked the house. I expect he is feeling disconnected to this new phase of life but isn't in touch enough with himself to realize that all of us long for our old lives until we get some roots down in our new lives.
Moving and starting up again is really hard for some people, for others it is as natural breathing.
I always hate the new car....until I have enough practice in it to know precisely how it reacts to most any condition - say a good 6 months.
Stay on the pain med for a bit longer - I expect the sloooowness will go away, then you will want your wheels back. (Tolerance can be a good thing)I am doing warm water PT and it has been helpful. The pool is supposed
to be 94 but I can tell if it drops a degree or two. Still, it helps so much.
The therapist said we can feel the drop since it is so close to our body
temperature. As long as it is above 90 it should feel great. Are you doing
individual therapy?
Becky
Not sure Becky. I really like the classes but I don't know if they have that set up. I just cant wait to get moving in a warm pool. It is like I get my old self back, I can do things I never can out of water. So I guess I am a fish out of water
Marrion, I cannot wait until I feel safe driving a car again. I was doing really well but I am sure I must have slept on my L hip. It has been throbbing ever since I got up and hurts to walk even with cane. I am just living my life, getting more help which is nice, Colton is good company and Brett and I are just not connecting. It is better than before. I can't wait to feel well enough to go to DMV to get my OR driver's license and handicapped placard. I will tell you one thing, it feels wierd MY money is running out. I hate being depdent on Brett. Come on Social Security. We have a mental health worker coming out tomorrow so would like to get house cleaned up. Things will come together.
I started the day out with the silent Charlies (that when it hurts too much to scream). Oh the agony of 'de feet'. I walked for an hour and a half on Sat at an art and craft fair. Was not as much fun as it should have been - due to pain. Made me long for a scooter. Still paying on Monday.
I had remicade last Tuesday. I guess that stuff dropping me on my head too, err feet.
My DH's rhuemy put him on cymbalta for fibro 2 weeks ago. That caught up to him last night, his system can't handle it so he is miserable too. He tends to panic when he doesn't feel good.
Crap and more crap and loud whinning noises - I got stuck on the pity pot. I feel like the only thing holding me together is that I will have the last 2 weeks of December off work. There is light at the end of the tunnel - no it is not a train.
I joined Alanon online and it has been really helpful. I think it is also helpful that these new drugs I got on numb me. I just am accepting whatever happens. Brett has to live his life as he sees fit. As soon as my SS comes in and I sell the car, I will not be so dependent. Marion, it has to be so hard to work. My heart goes out to you. I would give anything to get a job but after giving into the strong narcotics - there is no way. You know the pain is still there which amazes me - it is just dull and the narcotics make me care less. I keep pondering if I have another illness. I have gone downhill fast, I get scared that this is the end. I want to be around for Colton, Kelsey and my family
**Hugs**, hang in there!
First, remember that Brett has his recovery to think about and he is probably all consumed with that right now. He just came back from time spent only thinking about himself and his recovery. He will get back into the swing of family life. It may take him a few days. I know it is heartbreaking. I come from a long family of alcoholics and dated a few in my time. It is very hard emotionally to be in relationships with alcoholics. You are strong; you and Brett will make it. Hang in there!
Lori
Roxy,ROXY-you are so strong. I am so sorry you are having to go through all this with Brett. Good for you for knowing what you want. Keep being true to yourself. Hand not working too well, but wanted to write a quick response to let you know you are on my mind.
Entertain yourself as best you can. It may pass or it may not.
It sure makes it easy to picture a life without him - peaceful.
Roxy--- This sounds so familiar to me. In 1988 my first husband and I split up after 21 years of marriage. He had been sober for a couple of years (at my insistence he went to AA). As his counselor pointed out to me, though, once he quit drinking it was like all of his anger was directed at me. As the counselor put it, I forced him to give up what was most important in his life. Anyway, to make a long story short we just couldn't make a go of it after that. I hope this doesn't happen to you and your husband. But, as someone else mentioned, you cannot make him change. Protect yourself and take care of yourself. One thing that helped me greatly through the whole devastating ordeal was counseling from two of my parish priests. They were so supportive and pointed out several things I was too blind to see. Best wishes to you and hang in there, whatever happens.Newsbreak - Brett confessed tonight he was drinking in rehabPam
Roxy,I'm So sorry he is treating you that way. It brings tears to my eyes because no one should ever be treated like that!
The way he is treating you and speaking to you is psychological abuse. Please don't take it. You don't deserve it and you know it's not true! When someone you love so much demeans you like that, it can take so much from you. You know the things he is saying are not true, so please don't let him get to you at all, okay? If nothing else, just ignore him until you can take the steps you need to take to live the way you really want to.
Stand tall, and keep the faith, Sweetie. Good things will come to you. You already have Kelsey and Colton. Anyone as passionate about life as you are will not be kept down by anyone.
Gentle hugs and Many Blessings,
Nini
Roxy, I am so sorry . I have not been in this situation but my sister has. The blame is not yours or the children its is Bretts and Bretts alone. Drinking is an illness but a self induced one, Your illness chose you and not the other way round. You need to gather your inner most strength and come through this for yourself.
Take care and BIGOMGAWD Roxy, Brett was drinking in rehab? What kind of a place is
this? I would report it to someone in charge. This place is
collecting all of this money and giving booze to the clients?
This is unbelievable! And then they send them home to their
families so that they can abuse them even more? Oh Gosh Roxy, I
am so sorry that this is happening to you and the children.
Perhaps Brett should go back to his place in CA and think about his
life and what he is losing if this continues. If his own family
refuses to help him, what can you do?
You all will be remembered in my prayers Roxy.
He and some other guys snuck it into rehab. They would go in groups of six to the YMCA. That is when they got it. The good news is he is talking about going to Alaska to work on the railroad
I'm sorry to hear about Bret, addiction is a terrible thing. I used to drink, a LOT but was never really an alcoholic by definition. However, for about 2 years in my mid 20's, I was addicted to meth. It almost killed me, kept me in an abusive relationship and nearly ruined my life. I'm now 36 and haven't touched drugs (ok, maybe a toke or two of the wacky tobacky
At least when your blood work is good there are more treatment options - like AP
Thanks guys. The ugliness has died down here and we are just all "trying to get along". I am going to DMV tomorrow for my placard and OR license which is a good sign about my health. Today was a stay in bed most of the day but yesterday I worked on the house all day. Tomorrow I hope to rake some leaves which I find therapeutic and DMV. Colton is going to study for his permit