The last few days have made me reflect a great deal. I kept thinking about that one scripture, "unto whom much is given, much is required." Now, in all my younger days, I always thought of it as the talents we are given. And, I have been blessed with a mulitude of talents: writing, drawing, design, leadership... So, I have worked really hard to make the most of those talents, to show good stewardship over them.
But this week, when so many things were given to me, so many that I had no desire for, I have found a different viewpoint. That viewpoint was greatly influenced by two very different women that I met while waiting at the hospital. The first woman was in the room next to my daughter. She came into the hospital the same night we did. She has Lupus. She's 31 years old with two kids. She already has lost half a lung, has bone necrosis, has pneumonia, suffers a great deal of pain, lost her marriage, and she is afraid is developing cancer.
She is the sweetest woman who showed so much caring for both me and my daughter.
The second woman was a nurse I met yesterday morning while eating breakfast. She just said hi to me and a conversation started up. She found out that my daughter had been in the hospital all week. Somehow the conversation turned to her daughter and this great burden that she had of trying to help a daughter who might not be saveable since she was 40 and on drugs. But her love for that daughter showed through.
She thought it strange that she would just open up like that, but I've had people many times tell me about their burdens out of the blue. I always feel like God sends them to me. I am supposed to listen because I've been there before.
Now, I know that that verse about "to whom much has been given" also means those people who become loaded down with the troubles of life. It is what we do in the face of those troubles, under the load of them, in the fighting for air, where our hearts turn, how we treat others. In this, we learn that much is required.
Because it is the next person that we can reach a hand out to, to ease their pain, their suffering. In each stage of trouble, I have learned something that I have been able to pass on to someone else so that they have not had to struggle all alone. For a long time, I have been asking God, why have you given me so much? I realize now that it is so I will have so much to share. Jesus was called a "man of sorrows" and I think about that as I meet so many suffering people. I am no longer shielded from those who suffer because I am in the middle.
I just hope I am up to the task to shine for Him on these days when it seems that I have been given too much. But now I know why I have been given it and what I am supposed to do with it.
God is my best friend. I would not know what to do with out him. God has really humbled me. I used to be a supervisor until my accident. I thought most people on disability was just faking it to get out of work.
But know that I have a disability with the head injury and now I can no longer do the same work he humbled me.
I went from a high paying job to entry level. I became a MST, patient care tech.
The best thing is I loved it. So I know that had to be from GOD to give me that kind of love for that type of job. I did get laid off.
So I know see my disabilities as a way to help other because now I understand.
So I understand Denna to be able to find your purpose.
God is good
What a wonderful insight! I was just thinking this morning that if you consider all the things you possess, suffering is like a fire that burns away the things that don't matter and grows the things that do matter...all of the things you mentioned in your note; talents, empathy and caring for others, etc. It's certainly true that suffering causes loss, but it can't destroy the things that matter most. It's like a fire in the forest; it's necessary to remove the cluttered underbrush so the mature trees can grow taller and stronger. In your case, it has exposed the things in your life that do allow you to connect and minister to others who are suffering and in pain. I hope and pray that it brings you great comfort.
Alan
I guess it is just the natural order of the universe type-of-a-thing. What a phenominal insight you have given to us. Another valid statement of enlightenment of how full our glass really is. Of course we could all do without the dysfunction, pain and heartache that all this brings but yet it is definately the realization that helps us get through the bad days now and the bad days to come.
Great analogy Alan, I never thought of it as that. This just goes to show all that you cannot fully plan out your life and all the details, and that there is a higher entity that takes charge. I believe in angels and that they ARE among us.
Deanna, Sometimes I think God gave me RA to humble me. I was very self centered. Always looking for my next adventure. I am more humble and I am kinder. I was always kind but now it can be more challenging - the reason why I was a good park ranger is I always found good in people. If I didn't have RA, no way would I have spent this much time sharing my deepest feelings with strangers and trusting them. All of you have become family to me. I sit and watch my kids and pets now and appreciate them more. I feel more love for everyone around me. I know these qualities will stay - it makes for a better quality of life - so RA has taught me a lot. OK I learned - now can I take the final and be able bodied to do the things I want to do for all the people I loveWhat better person to minister to those who suffer than someone who knows what suffering is? God gave you to help someone else and in turn gave someone to you to help you.
I hope and pray your daughter finds peace, along with you. We can have chaos around us but still, (thank God), have peace. I pray for that peace for you! Glad you are back. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.
Trish
I am so thankful for eloquent people
Deanna, thank you for that message. I believe people are drawn to you because they see something in you that is comforting. What a gift. And Alan, that brought tears to my eyes..."suffering is like a fire..." I'm going to remember that. Thank you.