I am struggling today with the consequences of RA. I am tired of battling the burecrats, tired of being in pain and most of all tired of the attitude of people towards this disease. Some friends have drifted away - I am not able to keep up with them physically or financially & I
know I am stressed and not fun to be with. It is such a vicious circle. I live on my own & wonder how others in the same situation cope & do some of you have the same problem with friends or do I need to learn how to chose better ones? This has happened to me recently with a 'friend' so I am feeling quite hurt at the moment.Cassie, You need new friends and a surportive family. I do and it really helps me thru each day. My worse time is at night for sleeping. i have so much pain. I am having so much problems with my meds. Pretty soon the doctor going to say I can't help you anymore. I have so many allgeries to meds. You will see what I am on my post at the bottom. I have a hard time dealing with it all. Just last week I was up from 8:30 pm till the next day 11:30 am with serve pain. Unable to walk by myself. it was I had no muscles in my legs or hands to do nothing. Thank god my husband stayed home to take care of me and took me to my doctor appt. He said he would not want another night like that for me to soon. I am off work for 2 weeks for the first time in my life for my RA it took a toll on me . I think I cryed for hours and hours and even said please god help me thru all this pain. Pain pills didn't even touch it at all. My stomach is so raw and sick from all these meds. Well enough you hang in there and it will work out in the end. JoanCassie,
I have dealt with the same things you are talking about with
friends. I was always the person who would offer to help any
way I could, and ended up with some friends who took
advantage of my kindness. On doctor's orders, I had to learn to
say no to some things. These friends get upset when I can't
help with something, even when they used to help me half as
much. They don't understand when I can't go out, and my
husband and I can't really afford to go out to eat b/c I'm not
working. I just think that it is hard for people to understand RA
when it can change from day to day and they often can't see
our symptoms. Even those friends who try to help still don't get
it. Is there a local support group you can join? You might be
able to make some friends that understand EXACTLY what you
go through every day.
Cassie those are not really friends as I learned when I got sick too. I was dropped like a hot potato as I could no longer keep up nor could I do the things for them that I once did.
I found a great friend in someone who has MS. What a blessing! She demands nothing since she cannot give a lot herself. I went 2 yrs before I met her and as Sara said maybe a support group would bring you a real friend.
Take care,
Cassie, this may sound dumb...but....maybe you need sick friends like you. LoL That sounds really stupid. But it kinda makes sense. Go to arthritis.org and look up your local chapter, call them even if they're 50 miles away. They might be able to get you into a group, and you'd meet lots of people that way. You know what other kind of people would be caring and understanding? (well, should be anyway) Anyone who does charity work. Why not join a local charity and help out? Just some ideas, play with em!
Cassie,
I am going thru the same thing. I'm also older, so most of my friends are married and have kids. I have such a full plate, that I'm often too tired to participate in anything beyond what I'm required to do on a daily basis. It is very lonely. I know that God has a plan for me. I can say that this board has helped me a lot. I come here everyday, usually multiple, multiples times a day. I feel like I know a little about everyone here even though I have never met them. This is a great support group. I would like to find someone who lives closer to me though. Hang in there. We are all here for you
Lori Cassie, it is very much the same for me. I was really abandoned by both family and friends in very cruel ways. My parents and siblings promised to help me when I got very sick in the beginning. Their treatment was so bad that I ended up going into a homeless shelter because I found their treatment of myself and my daughter horrible. My boyfriend immediately abandoned me and started to preach to me about God when he had never even spoken much about him before. Friends told me that I just needed exercise and to eat right. I found new friends and built myself new family out of people that I could trust more. When I left work, I was abandoned again. It's because, one they don't understand and two, they are afraid that the same thing could happen to them. Over time, my parents have become more supportive but only after I refused to communicate with them for 3 years and my Dad got prostrate cancer and my Mom nearly died from kidney and heart problems. My siblings still do not get it. But I will never really trust my parents again. I've found it is better to have one or two really close, dependable friends that a lot of friends who really don't know how to be there for you. People still let me down. You do have to exercise both forgiveness which can be really hard and you have to educate those people that you choose to have remain in your lives. As you grow stronger inside, you can deal with the callousness of others better. I say that, but it still makes me angry especially when it comes from people like doctors and nurses whose profession is supposed to be one of caring. Just know that you are worth being cared about. I know that you have really helped me out here in some of the things that you have written to me. The beauty of who you are shines beyond this disease. We get so isolated and lonely sometimes that we think we can never find someone to care for us again. Or worse, we feel we are no longer worth it. But that is the illusion. It is not the truth. Here, you will find people to care about you and love you. I think you are quite special. I know you. You are my friend, Cassie. Cassie, so sorry to hear about all you are going through. As you can see you are not alone. I can't really add anything to all the wonderful advice they have given you, just wanted to say I am sorry that you are in so much pain today. These message boards are a God send. you can develope friendships here with people just like you who are struggling with the same issues that you are, they will laugh when you laugh, cry when you cry. They are a life line and I encourage you to come here often. Hope you are feeling much better very, very soon. If you need someone to talk with please feel free to post or pm any of us and we will do our best to help you. hugs and spoons, jamie It's not choosing better friends. You are with the very best friend you will ever meet. Get to know that friend. Enjoy spending time with your best friend. My male friends would dump me for a female and my female friends will leave me for some new guy, some new friend. So what? Friends come and go. It's not like they are there through thick and thin, better or worse. Friends are mostly moment people. You and yourself? You are together. You are your own best friend. Who cares about the others, they come and go. Tell them your secrets and they get mad at you, they tell your secret. Some friends. They are moment people. Enjoy them untill it's time to say good-bye or you can sing "happy trails". Well it's been nice being friends but hey, i'm bored, gotta go. Hi Cassie, I don't post to much but do read the posts. I can understand completely what your saying. Like you, I don't have the support of family and very few friends. It's soooo hard to cook for one, try to figure out how you're going to find the money and engery to do something. It's hard when you're out with friends and they want to go or do just one more thing and all you want to do is crawl into the car to rest. They don't understand it when you try to pick up a light object and can't. To them, you seem lazy or always need help. After all, you look fine! This RA has the ability to turn your world inside out and leave you feeling like an outsider. I try not to judge my few friends but there are times when I would like to have a hug or hear a unjudgemental voice. RA has taught me to be more patient, to learn how to do things differently, to go places where I can find understanding and compassion. I've learn to embrace my good days and to cope with the pain of bad days. But most of all, I've learn to open up and share my feelings. Cassie, for you, may you find friends, a place where you fit in, and peace within your self. I hope that the new year will bring this to you. WE CARE,
In other ways a kind, caring person but lacking in sympathy regarding RA.
I have a few friends with an auotoimmume disease & one is a very good friend. I find it easy to make new friends but its the keeping up with them that is the problem. My parents are dead, my brother is in another city - my daughter struggles to understand this disease as do we all but she is really trying to understand. I find it hard that I dont have the energy or finances to maintain friendships. The last 2 months have been particularly stressful so I am hoping for a calmer & easier 07. I is very hard on your own - no-one to cook meals for you or relieve the burden & lack of money is always an issue - something is always needing repair.
I am grateful that we have this board & so many supportive people. Your situation is similar to mine Deanna so I am hoping next year is for you much kinder &
to the others that posted thank you, and my best wishes for a happy Christmas & a wonderful 2007.
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