I thought I would begin this thread to try and bring out some ideas as to how others manage through the menopause, RA and being single. Anyone can comment and humor is welcomed, actually requested!!
I have already stated that I DO NOT LIKE Menopause but such as it is I have no choice in the matter, none more than being DX with the RA. Now, being single brings on a few more challenges I never thought I would have to endure. Oh there are the hotspots with the drunks that are quite blatant in their needs and wants, then there are the REALLY OLD men that have lost their wives and want to tell you all about their great-grandchildren and how long it has been since they have been with a woman. As intriguing as this may sound, for some reason I am just not interested.. Then there are the the men I will call the "mighty icks", those men are a real treat cause they have absolutely no education beyond 6th grade(or so it seems) and want to tell ya how many times they beat the crap outta "his brothers sisters' wifes' bfriend". oh the life I have missed that I am not aware of and do not want to be aware of. That leads me to the guys we used to call "nerds" in High school, they end up at the same bar I go to because it is the only "good bar" around. Sad huh? I cannot believe that my life has been reduced to this and this is on a good bone day!
Since I am old now ( nearly 50) *wink* I have not been able to figure out if it is just geographical or "things" have changed but most women are gay up here so it is tough to find a good best friend and all that the men want are the lesbians. What has this world come to or am I truly that old fashioned?
My mom and my sis want me to go to church to meet " a nice man". NO THANKYOU! ( I told them they do not serve enough wine there...wink) Actually, the last time I was a church some pretty mean things happened and no offense to my mother but I would end up having to drag her along as well than she likes to """ANALYZE"" my every move!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Am I going crazy or is this normal? I do not know so someone please tell me what if anything I am doing wrong!
P.S. I do date but to tell you the truth,.but I have to tell you, men in Michigan are a world away from the men in Indiana. Sometimes i just want to pack my bags and drive south or east or west till I run out of money and just sleep in the car! ( Must be the menopause thing right?)
Well I gotta get out or I will go balitic!
Jode
Jode, we are about the same age. I'll skip the menapause question because I don't know where I stand on that one.
But the men, oh boy! I quit looking. I hate the bars for the reasons you specified. Besides, I don't drink. I have the same problem with the church guys. They were worse than the bar guys and that was over ten years ago.
Tried the online dating thing. Scary! Did meet one guy, sweet, etc. But he turned out to have a problem with commitment and is a mama's boy at 54. Only he waited until after 2 years to tell me that. And, when I got really sick again, good-bye just like the guy before him.
I have this mysterious faith that good guys do exist. But finding them is the hard part. My mom was a widower when she met my step dad. So, that's her answer. What, should I lurk in the orbituaries. I don't think I can be that ghoulish.
So, I quit looking. Most men seem to be more interested in a woman who will take care of them and I don't have the health to take care of a guy any more. and, it's rather a relief. I don't have to do any explaining about anything I do or what is happening to me now. So, they can't get mad or feel cheated out of what they thought our relationship was going to be.
Would I like to have someone special? Sure, you bet. I get lonely just like anyone else and would love to have someone to cuddle up to when things are bad.
Don't come to Arizona. The pickings are just as bad here. Although the men do seem to keep themselves in better shape for the most part. But if you do just a search on men on the dating sights in our age range, well.. I don't really need to say more. Yet, they expect the women to be in perfect physical condition and with "no baggage." Oh, I hate that term. Like anyone our age is not going to have a history of some kind. And, I like to call it "contents of my life", not baggage.
But if you find a good one, see if he's got a nice brother or decent friend. We'll go have some fun.
If it's meant to be...when you stop looking, they will just find you. Weird, I know, but that is how EVERYONE in my family has gotten their man. Seems to work so far. The menopause thing....yeah...I'm 23 sorry. Can't help you there. BUT...my wonderful aunt is going through it BAD, and she has thoughts of just getting up and running away as well. Docs told her that was pretty much how it goes. :) So you're not alone!
Do you work Jode? That is where I met my hubby. We used to got out as a large group after work, guys and girls, and it gave us a chance to get to know each other outside of the office. If your place of work doesn't do things like that, perhaps you can organize something like that. Volunteer work is another great way to meet good guys. If they are willing to give their time for a charity, they usually have a good heart.Would you really want a good man? Probably only if he had a bad boy friend that gets your juices flowing. Gays and lesbians? Every body is looking for kicks. MTV and Jerry Springer are the teachers of our children. Thugs and bullies are heroes. Police are out of control and drunk with power. Everyone has to accept less unless you work for the government.
Anyway, two canibals were eating a comedien and the one canibal says to the other, "Hey, does this meat taste funny to you?"
...I'm confused.levlarry,
what are you on tonight? That didn't make any sense at all.
Okay, I'm not single, but did the menopause thing at 41...not fun. Now toss in rhupus, kids in college and a husband that doesn't "get it" that I don't have the energy to go out on the town after working during the day or that I need help to turn on the faucet or open a can or soda bottle and the fact that I can no longer put the bottom sheet on the bed. Hhhmmm....I'd like to dive into a martini and enjoy but I don't even feel like doing that anymore. Hhhhmmmm. Cry? It doesn't help.... Whine? I'll lose my friends if I do that.... I guess you just "deal"....
I have friends that are single and your age. Sometimes I think they have it made. They do what they want, when they want. No one to please or piss off. I think having good friends is the answer there. As long as you have people that love you around you, does it matter? I don't know I guess everyone is different. Depends what you want.
As far as lesbians, lol, I have some good friends that are lesbians. We have a deal, they don't want me, and I don't want them, lol. It works. People are people, who they sleep with isn't my concern.
Hhhhmm....good men? They are out there. I am a believer that if you aren't looking, they'll come around. Good luck.
In the meantime, I hope you still keep posting. You make me laugh and I love it. Thank you.
Thanks for the input, I get so confused at times because my life didn't turn out the way I planned it...guess my mind was in some kind of a white fluffy cloud when I thought about my future;marriage, kids, retirement, grandparent.......it just didn't turn out that way. lol yes I have to laugh cause of my naivity.
Ok you guys, about the gay stuff, I just do not want to hang with 'em ok? I am just not into that and they can do whatever they want, I have had a life filled with the straight couple,leading the "soccer mom /den mom" life that and it is difficult to change. Now that the baby girl is nearly on her own ( won't be long till she is off to college and /or co-habitating) with the love of her life, I find myself with a great deal of free time. It is unbelievable how much time she required........I never minded at all either. I guess it is just a shift in my lifestyle I am trying to adjust.
Oh it is so true!!!!!!!!!! Many times over! I love being able to do whatever I want to do whenever I want to, that part of being single is absolutely wonderful. I do not have to fix a man his breakfast or dinner at a certain time, no picking up after him and the toilet seat is however I LEAVE IT! lol Since I never really had a supportive spouse I do not miss that support. I also do not miss the grumbling when I was ill and could not fix supper or do the dishes ect. I am not one to "be a maid for a man", I have done that and it goes unappreciated. I do miss the couple thing but like you all have pointed out, I always did what he wanted to do and could never squeeze in what I wanted to do. Like now, my room is a total disaster because I got a new bedspread for Christmas that is absolutely gorgeous and I am remodeling my room. I can take my time and fix and fuss and it doesn't matter. ( However the dog does not like it much cause there is so much to walk around!)
I do not work at this time cause I have had so many medical problems and cannot hold a job. Besides the job market is nil and none around here. I take care of my mom but have no idea what the next ten years will bring. Probably my daughter and her bfriend will move in and take the house if mom should have to go to a nursing home. Dunno. I do go to a bar and grill which is mostly referred to as "pubs" around here.Compared to many of the others in this area it is reasonably priced. I meet some nice people and some guys that want to do nothing but hang on you and they are sooo very drunk it is almost sad. I agree that in some churches the men are not much better so I will probably just forget about it all and go join a health club and swim or something, maybe water aerobics....dunno. True about the volunteering type of man, good point. I guess it is just me, looking for someone that does not exist , typically they are already married, oh my I cannot tell you how many married guys I have dated...they do not tell you right away ya know! lol.
I do want to comment on the net dating: it is nice cause if.....IF they tell the truth you get to know them a bit better than when they are a rolling drunk, and when at a bar, they can follow you home ( and do) so I never go directly home after I go to a bar. And yes...I have seen the guys online, some are really nice guys, some are.....(no comment!).
Glad I could make someone laugh...just wished it was cause I was writing about the dog or what dingbat thing one of my kids have done and not my life....sheesh! Oh well, way it goes. Glad to know that the flight response is normal for menopause........since the weather here in Michigan has been pleasant lately I guess going south would not be required....not much for the east so I spose I would run to the west.....but not Arizona as it was pointed out.
Just looking for a reasonable solution here...thanks everybody! keep "em comin'!
jode
Where did all the confusion come from? Certainly not from the joke, right? It's surprising to me how many people look at me in confusion after I tell that joke. Anyway a comedien is funny, that makes him a comedien. So the one canibal says to the other, "Does this meat taste funny to you?"
Wish I could drink but no alchohol while taking mtx. I quit the mtx once just so I could go drinking. Waited a month for the mtx to get out of my system and painfully dragged myself to my local bar on Telegraph. After a month off the mtx I was just about crippled, so the drinking wasn't much fun. Went back on the mtx.
Anyway to all of those that were confused, I hope that I have removed some of the fog. To all that read this I wish you all a very happy, healthy and prosperous new year.