Am I just crazy and unreasonable? | Arthritis Information

All this stuff that I've got going on is just too much. And, today, that's how the doc made me feel. I really need a reality check.

Actually, a disability check would do quite nicely.

Well, I can't produce a disability check, but I'll take a shot at a reality check. I know from experience, dealing with my son's depression, and my own during the first year of my RA, how powerful a force depression can be, both emotionally and physically. I also learned how pointless it is to try to ignore it or bury it with denial. Finally, I learned that the only way to survive is to allow the strong feelings to express themselves in whatever way they must and seek the comfort of friends who care. It's like a surfer...the only safe place is to ride the crest of the wave or you'll get pounded into the sand! I've been reading a book on meditation. The author talks a lot about mindfullness, part of which involves connecting with our feelings without trying to control them...being an observer or witness to our own experiences without trying to effect the outcome. I'm trying to apply that principle to my own life...still have a lot of work to do! I find comfort in other's expression of their own experiences...knowing I'm not alone. I thought you might find some comfort in this poem...John Keats, of course. He paints a very vivid picture of Melancholy, and lets it live as it must...riding the wave...not trying to control it or find a solution...accepting it as part of life. I hope you feel better soon.

Alan

Ode on Melancholy

NO, no, go not to Lethe, neither twist
Wolfs-bane, tight-rooted, for its poisonous wine;
Nor suffer thy pale forehead to be kiss’d
By nightshade, ruby grape of Proserpine;
Make not your rosary of yew-berries,
Nor let the beetle, nor the death-moth be
Your mournful Psyche, nor the downy owl
A partner in your sorrow’s mysteries;
For shade to shade will come too drowsily,
And drown the wakeful anguish of the soul.

But when the melancholy fit shall fall
Sudden from heaven like a weeping cloud,
That fosters the droop-headed flowers all,
And hides the green hill in an April shroud;
Then glut thy sorrow on a morning rose,
Or on the rainbow of the salt sand-wave,
Or on the wealth of globed peonies;
Or if thy mistress some rich anger shows,
Emprison her soft hand, and let her rave,
And feed deep, deep upon her peerless eyes. She dwells with Beauty - Beauty that must die;
And Joy, whose hand is ever at his lips
Bidding adieu; and aching Pleasure nigh,
Turning to poison while the bee-mouth sips:
Ay, in the very temple of Delight
Veil’d Melancholy has her sovran shrine,
Though seen of none save him whose strenuous tongue
Can burst Joy’s grape against his palate fine;
His soul shall taste the sadness of her might,
And be among her cloudy trophies hung.
You are crazy, but not like *THAT*

Alan, you always sway my moods with poetry. Your wife must just love this part of you. I certainly appreciate it. And, it's been so long since I've studied Keats. It's good to be reminded of its beauty and that these conditions continue from generation to generation. I'll try for the crest of the wave.

I often think that if I could calm down enough to actually meditate (that says a lot about me) that somewhere in the deep center of me I could turn off that overactive immune system. You might actually master that Alan. You seem so oriented to peace and beauty. That is so cool. Wish I was more like that. I admire that quality in you. I bet that shows in your music too.

Katie, I'd love to turn you lose on this guy. And crazy is okay, but I hate mind games. I really hate when doctors think that we are just supposed to swallow whole, undigested what they tell us. It's my body not his. He really seem to think I couldn't possibly know anything about RA, bloodwork or autoimmune diseases.

I do think I really made him mad. You should see his notes on me. He makes me sound like a very uncooperative patient from the very beginning. I did all the things he asked except taper down on the prednisone and that is because he didn't make that instruction clear. He also didn't want to give me the 1 mg tablets so I could do that. He refuses to prescribe any more medications for me.

I find it really hard to calm my mind down enough to meditate so any hints Alan would be appreciated. The only time I have come close to meditation is by following one of Andrew Weil's books called I think something like '8 weeks to complete health' - dont think that is quite right but '8 weeks' is mentioned in the title. He mentions just mentally watching your breath going in & out, starting off with 5 minutes & that is all to start with. I found I could manage 5 or 10 minutes & it was very relaxing but that was a few years ago & need to give it another go. What method do you use Alan. Your poetry is wonderful. I never cease to appreciate the support, debate & renewed faith in human nature that this site brings to me.

Alan, what a great, instructive image--riding the crest to keep from being pounded into the sand. Thank you for that. And the Keats, of course!

Deanna, Reality check: You are Real. Doofus doc is just Real Worthless.

Gawd Deanna, at least it was the doc that had you feeling that way - I get it from the dragon receptionist!

I'm sure you're not crazy or unreasonable. Sometimes we have a lot on our plates and others simply can't tune in - that's their problem! Seriously, if your doc makes you feel crazy and/or unreasonable that is something lacking in him. I know it's hard when you're not feeling well but I'd say tell he makes you feel bad

I practice about 30 minutes of yoga, stretching and postures, in a room with the lights out, a candle burning, and soft music...then I meditate sitting cross-legged on a cushion for about 10 to 15 minutes. The yoga really helps me wind down and for me it helps fight the RA too...keeps the muscles strong to help protect the joints and relieves some of the pain. (I do take Humira too...so I'm not against traditional meds...they have really helped me!)

Alan