I'm having to struggle with this every day with trying to get services, get help from family, etc. And, I've been reading how hard it is for all of us to ask for help.
This is just a thought but it is what I seem to find works best for me. The more specific I am in the type of help I need, the more responsive others seem to be to giving it to me. That's because they don't really have to think about a broader picture. They don't have to come to understand the whole disease. It's much easier to say that I need a wheelchair. I need a shower chair. I need housekeeping help for mopping and sweeping and cleaning my bathroom. Said separately, to different organizations, that's a pretty easy decision for them.
The same thing with my kids. If I ask my son to come over and move this or that for me, he's right there. But he hasn't got the concept that maybe he needs to help me out on a regular basis. That's because he can fit that help in to a specific framework.
I really hate asking for help. But I've got to the point where I don't have a choice. So, ask your husband to cook a meal on Wednesday night. That doesn't sound too big. Then really brag on him for doing it. Tell your kid how much it helps relieve your pain when they do something.
Part of the reason people don't help us is because they simply don't understand what we need them to do. As women, we tend to do everything. But we are really cheating our loved ones out of the experience of learning how to give. This is really important with our children. And don't feel guilty for asking someone to get you a blanket or make you a sandwich. You'd do it for them at the drop of a hat.
I was thinking about this all day and I hope it does help someone else. I love being independent and one of the hardest thing for me right now is the constant need to get assistance. But that's where my life is right now. I am learning other ways to give to others and sometimes I just have to accept the help of other people.
I used to hate to ask for help too. Now I am glad that I have. My husband and son have been wonderful and do everything I ask. It still is hard because I used to be the "strong one" and everyone would come to me for help. I so know where you are coming from. I also think it makes them feel good to help. They seem me in pain and want to comfort me. Jeremy (my son almost 14) is the best gopher I know. I don't even ask him and he brings me pillows, blankets or refills my ice water. My husband took over the laundry and other household things I can't do right now. Cooking has become a family event when I used to do it myself. In way this disease has been good because it has brought our family closer together. It puts things more in focus and makes me appreciate things more than I used to.
SO PEOPLE, ASK FOR HELP. Your family and friends are there for you all you have to do is ask.
God Bless
Cindy
That sounds like the right approach, a straight forward request they CAN understand. Maybe because it shifts the emphasis from "me" to "you." I have a male friend who laughs at my disability and never volunteers to help but as soon as I ask for something specific he's on my doorstep.