i just found this website today and i'm hoping you all can help me out a little bit. my mom just went to a specialist today and was diagnosed with RA. i really don't know a lot about it besides the little bit i have researched about it online. my mom is really discouraged because she is a VERY active lady. she is a school teacher and rides horses a lot in her free time. a few weeks ago, her joints started swelling and she has been in a lot of pain..especially at night and when she wakes up. i am away at college and feel so bad i can't be there for her right now since she seems pretty upset. i think she is afraid she won't be able to do the things she loves down the road. does anyone have any ideas how to help her cope? or things i could say or do to make her feel better? i figured since a lot of people here can probably drelate to my situation it would be just nice to hear from people first hand about RA instead of just reading definitions on the web. any information or support you could offer would make a difference, thanks!
Hi mamasgirl
First of all you are doing a wonderful thing by posting on here.There are a lot of people who will be able to give you advice.Your mum is a lucky lady to have you.
Just because she has RA it doesnt mean her life will stop.There will be some changes but that also depends on how severe her RA is. The meds might make her feel a bit sick but then again some of us dont get any side effects at all.
The best thing is for you to be there to listen.So that means you still go to college, i would be devastated if my daughter left college cause of my RA. You can phone and send messages, even if you call so she can have a rant.
RA doesnt always mean pain and swelling all of the time. It can come and go and sometimes it goes for a long time.
Take each day as it comes and you'll both be fine.
Get your mum to log in here and have a chat and ask questions
Hi mamasgirl,
You're a sweetie, just like my daughter who is also in college. Please encourage your mom to visit this forum... she'll find a wonderful support group.
I'm a former teacher so I know what she's going through trying to deal with RA pain and summoning the energy she needs to work with kids. Being on meds will help her.
Recent studies have shown that people with strong relationships tend to have lower levels of physical disability. (Joint Health monthly www.arthritisconsumerexperts.org )
So encourage your mom to stay active and to continue doing the all the things she enjoys doing.
I do think that when you're having fun, the brain produces more seratonin, a hormone that helps to relieve pain.
Encourage your mom to listen to what her body's telling her... to rest when needed, to do an activity for a shorter time.
As Lisa said in her post... take each day as it comes and you'll be both be fine.
I wish you and your mom all the best
Judy
Hi mama's Girl...
I would like to say how brave you are and loving for being so concerned for your mom.
I too was in your shoes. My mother was dx'd though when I was 13 and I didn't really understand it all until I too was dx'd.
#1...love your mom as much as you did before her dx's. I know what it is like to be in college and my mom hurting and having a bad day and I couldn't be there. But, she got through it, and I called and sent cards and even flowers just to say, I loved her.
#2...It will be a shock to her...but...she is still the same, mother and women...just with some added icing on the cake. She will go through a period of disbelief and grieving...that is normal. But with a loving daughter like you, I am sure...those times will be brighter.
See, My mother taught school also and by the time she was dx'd, she'd been teaching for over 30 years. I admire her because she didn't let RA stop her. And even when it got to hard...she found other ways to be involved with the kids so she wouldn't have to stand on her legs and feet. She tutored the kids that need help with the standardized test.
#3...research, research and research...this will help you and her...BUT...take it all as just info and a help aide. Everyone with RA is different. So what she reads may or may not pertain to her situation. ALSO...have her talk to people with it. This site has some of the warmest heart and great advice there is.
I would not have been able to make it through without them.
Also, once the shock is over...and that may take a minute...get in contact with the Arthritis Foundation they were a big help for us too.
Well Honey...you are not alone...and life has just begun. It is not the end...it is the beginning of a interesting, road...sometimes with bumps others time with lovely colors and banners.
But let her know...she is not alone.
Come back and see us soon and know you and her are both in our prayers.
Roblyn
Hi mamasgirl and I am so sorry about your mom's Dx.
You are a super daughter and I hope that mom joins us here. I have learned the most from other RAers. It is a shock at first but with a daughter like you I know that she will be alright. Things just might have to change some in her life and as someone said she needs to listen to her body.
Another must is a having a good Rheumatologist on board. She needs to feel comfortable with hers so that they can be a team in her treatment.
My son is a great support for me so I know that your encouraging calls and visits will carry her through.
Hugs and prayers coming your and your mom's way.
You are such a sweet and caring daughter and I imagine you are probable scared just like your Mom is. Knowledge is power...you doing some research on your own and knowing the facts about RA will help you and your Mother cope.
Know how much you love her and knowing that you care enough to understand the disease will make your Mom feel so cared for. One of the hardest aspects of the disease for so many of us is the fact that our friends and families don't truely understand what we are going through. If you do some research you will find a wealth of knowledge right here on the internet in a very short amount of time. Just saying to your Mother "Mom, you're over doing it. Rest is a really improtant aspect of managing this disease" ;will amaze her and you have no idea how good it will make her feel. Trust me, your Mother will know far more about this disease than you can imagine by the time you see her next. Being a teacher she's very unlikely to sit around and not look into things on her own. She isn't likely however to share all of her knowledge with you and the rest of her family. That doesn't mean that she doesn't want you to know all of it.
Finding out you have RA (Or even that your mother does) Is shocking and heart breaking in the beginning. BUT; with proper medications it's very likely your Mother can lead a fairly normal life and if the rest of your family is as supportive as you obviously are she'll lead a very happy life....however painful at times. The love of your family far over shadows the pain of this disease.
Please invite your Mother to join us here. This is a fabulous group of folks here that share daily struggles. There really is nothing better for her than meeting others just like her and learning from their combined years of experience.
Welcome to AI. Don't hesitate to come back and join us on a regular basis. We'll be happy to help you any time we can. Try not to worry. Sounds like your Mother is a very strong woman; she can do this. Her life is far from over.