THis weather has taken a toll on me not to mention probs with the daughter and our mother is not doing well and can be quite brutal in her statements. I am not coping well.
At this point I feel mostly lost. I have ran out of solutions an dproblem solving concerning my daughter so I called her dad today and told him what was going on. My mom, oh man I have to tell you she has just about sent me over the edge and I realize that my living situation must change soon or she will ruin the small bit of sanity I have left.
Ra wise, it just gets worse. I was so ill here th elast couple weeks I could not make the drive to Indiana to go to my RD. I never thought in a million years my health would decline so quickly and I would not have the emotional support of my family behind me to help get me through it.
I have no steady bfriend, no wonder as to the why of that I mean who in their right mind would want to be near this situation?! I cna no longer shovel the snow in the driveway and something hass to be done about mother...my sis no longer has the time nor energy to help out much.
I do not know how to cope with this situation I am in.........any suggestions?
jode
Oh Jode, you sound so desperate, I wish I wasnt so far away.
Tell us again what the problem is with your Mom and what did your daughters dad have to say? Can he not help you with your daughter for a bit?
This is not a good situation, surely there must be someone or something to help?
Jode,
Tell us what we can do for you???
Lori
Sorry things aren't going well, Jode.
What about having a neighbour or neighbour's kid shovel your driveway?
JODE-So sorry to hear about all that's going on. I know it can be realy overwhelming and how frustrating it can be with all these things coming at you, along with the pain.
Please know that you have lots of support here and I am sending big hugs your way...
Keep in touch, k? Do let us know what will help and maybe one of us can find some answers for you.
((((Hugs)))) and prayers for you
Jode, these are going to be drastic suggestions and I am just throwing them out as brainstorming.
Can you get Long Term Care for both your mom and yourself in your home? If your mom is completely uncontrollable, is there an alternative living situation for her? You can still be a wonderful daughter and not have her living in your house. If you want to have her living there, then you still probably qualify for some kind of help. Contact a Senior Citizen Center in your area and start asking for help.
Regarding your daughter, little Miss Impossible. You do have options there as well. You might try talking to the school counselor. That's where I learned that there are temporary homes for difficult teens. I've had friends that have had to resort to this to get the situation under control. I've not done it, but sometimes when it is so out of control or just the fact that you are too sick to deal with it is enough reason. It can be quite a sobering reality for the kid and give you all some time out from the situation.
If all of this is making you so sick that you cannot even take care of your own health, then something must be done. You keep this up and you are going to end up in one kind of hospital or another from either a complete physical or emotional breakdown.
Take control of the situation by calling every possible resource you can. Take the day off work, whatever to get yourself some help. Call a crisis number. They are trained to help you locate resources for all these problems and bring a little sanity back into the situation.
Jode, if I can call a crisis number, you can too. Please, I'm worried about you.
Thankyou all so very much, what a rough night I had! THis snow is getting to be such a pain! Oh no!!!!!!!!!!..... NEVER EVER would I want the crazy neighbor kid to shovel my drive, he is always doing something destructive to our property as it is....as of today they shoveled a walk through MY SIDE YARD to get to their garage door. That will not happen next year because my sis and bro and law will be taking the house over and putting a fence up so they can no longer trespass.
As far as my daughter is concerned.......she has been demanding money for a car and making my life miserable. TOday I told her that I will not be getting upset like this any longer because quite frankly she is not worth making me feel this way. She commented that she was an adult and will do as she wants, I told her fine, since she is an adult and spends most of her time at her bfriends house that I will draw up the paperwork for her rental papers here. THat seemed to nip it in the bud quite efficiently.
Our mother: she has some very deep seeded emotional problems and likes to spend her time blaming me for everything, I can never do a darned thing right and since I refrain from waiting on her hand and foot ( like so much as getting the paper off the back of the chair she is sitting in) she gives me even more grief. I am not her slave and will not ever be her slave.
I finally told mother that we needed to hire someone for her to be at her beck and call because I refuse to do it for her. I will have to start locking my bedroom door because she goes in my room when I am gone and I have to remember not to ever drink any open containers of liquid, I have seen her drop her pills in them.............yep, she is also psychotic an dI can no longer deal with it. She basically wants me to entetain her and she says she has had an awful life..............yeah right, we lived in a 4,000 sq. foot home in an upscale neighborhood and she had a new vehicle all the time and my grandmothers as her maids....oh please horrible life. I am still unpacking from her 40 boxes of new designer clothes she bought but never wore.
I just had a meltdown and have few people around here to shoulder. I have an on and off again bfriend but I don;t think he will work out because he is very selfish and his parents live many miles away so he has no concept of all this. I did, however, meet a kind gentleman the other day so who knows.
Regardless, I have a pump to fix and will get the drive done, I was just so exhausted I just could not shovel this week then when I saw my neighbors shoveled a pathway for them through my yard, I thought, that is it, next year I am fencing all this in for them to PLEASE stay on their own property for a change! I have had to buy locks for my outside phone service box and sattelite service box outside cause the weirdos were getting into them. My bro in law said he would take care of it, we can file against them for that and for trespassing.
I will go back to the chiro prob and have him readjust me and then check into some services for my mother...she says she is stressed out.....I do not know how, my sis and I do everything for her, and i do mean everything for her but clean her up after potty and bath her. I suppose that is next. OTher than that she will have to go to a nursing home.
Many many hugs for my AI family!Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!
jode
Jode~Bless your heart. I feel so bad for you. Your family sounds so freakin selfish!! I have typical teenager problems with my kids; but hearing your stories certainly make me appreciate them. No doubt my son....or even my 13 year old daughter would get out there and shovel that drive/sidewalk.
I know you already know it and it's unlikely to help you at all; but your daughter is so selfish she should be ashamed! She wants and wants and wants from you; but does she do even one thing for you accept give you more stress than you already have?
Your health is being affected by your living situation. You can count on things continuing to go downhill for you until you get a few things settled around the house......including your selfish mother!
I'm real sorry you're having to deal with this Sweetie. I'm going to add you to my prayer list and I'll pray that your family will open their eyes and see that you are in trouble physically and that they are contributing to your problems.
Try to focus on yourself. It sounds selfish; but maybe you need to be a little selfish too.
Thank you so much Lovie, I am so weary of people taking advantage of me to no end...so I have had it and will only do for me. It would be wonderful to have a partner that helps me with housework and meals and such.
My daughter: has been given her warning. She either helps out or is charged rent, I will nto allow her to treat me this way anymore. She is so convinced ( prob by her bfriend) that the support check is for her. When I spoke to her dad he said he would call her and talk to her. Well I hope it does some good cause otherwise I told him, she is out of school March 30, she is never home and he can do whatever he wants with the support at that time. He can emancipate her if he likes ( but I did not tell him that). I am not going to argue with her over the support check anymore.
All of you have given me the much needed support I so desperately wanted, thank you so much. My ex fiance' was always really good at sorting all this mes out with me, he would have really chewed my daughter a new one for this behavior. She is very selfish and way out of line!It so reminds me of his daughter when we were going through this with her...only his daughter stole from us so badly and was very involved with drugs. My daughter may be involved in drugs as well, I have no idea.
Hugs!
jode
He's really scary not knowing isn't it? We never really know.
You just hang in there Sweetie. Lock yourself in your room and run a bubble bath. Ignore them all and consentrate on making yourself comfortable and happy. You so deserve it.
Both your Mother and Daughter are able to take care of themselves. Maybe if you aren't around they will learn to appreciate all you do.
You know; it's rarely that we mind doing for others; but we do mind being treated poorly and not being appreciated for what we do.
Take Care of YOU!
""You know; it's rarely that we mind doing for others; but we do mind being treated poorly and not being appreciated for what we do. ""
So true!!!!!!!!!!!! THanks so much!
Jode
Hi Jode,
I am so sorry you're having such a hard time. I just wanted to give you a perspective on one part of what you mentioned about partners. I thought the same as you about never finding anyone who would want to be near my train-wreck of a life but recently met a lovely man who seems to be devoted to me. I had to tell him about my arthritis after our first date had to be cut short due to me needing to go to A&E with chest pain. He has asked some questions but is generally very understanding and generally just checks out sometimes if I'm OK. SO there are good men out there - I've been single for nearly 10 years and was beginning to give up hope even before arthritis became an issue... Trouble is now I'm not sure I really like him all that much
I hope you manage to get things sorted out - it seems like you're making a good start anyway!
KT
I was single for years after my first husband and I divorce; and although it's really hard finacially at times I enjoyed being alone. Not having to worry about my illness bothering anyone was somehow comforting in a strange way. It was like it was ok to be sick and I didn't need to feel bad about it anymore. Almost as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
I was extremely hesitant to get involved in a serious relationship when I met my current husband; but he wasn't taking no for an answer. I'm so glad now he wasn't.
There's a lid for every pot. Your Mr. Right will come along when you least expect it. And I'll be the first to admit; (despite my resistance at first) LIfe is better with the right partner.
I will however once again quote a dear friend of mine for those of you that haven't heard me say this before: "I'd rather be alone, than wish I was." Anyone that's ever been in a bad relationship knows how true those words are.
Hang in there. Brighter days are ahead for you my friend. Don't give up.
I've been feeling the same way about ever having a partner with all that's going on and 'messed up' in my life now (including my being so overweight)
Thanks for the encouraging posts. Jode-I will be praying for you.
Bless you all....