I have thought of my life like this every since I had gotten worse. I think of this when I am not having a good day. I think of how the world would be a better place if one of its weakest gave up. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ That is what it seems like, when you have this horrid disease. You might as well be considered the weakest of the weak, and put out of your misery, because you can no longer contribute to your family, community, or even your own well being. It is like if you are considered to be “sickly” you are of no use to anyone and you should not be around no longer. Only 1% of the population has this horrid disease. Yeah, we are the “lucky ones” and the ones DX’ed with it during childhood “Have hit the Holy Grail”, as they get to be seen as the weak from the very start. You know when you grow up and people notice you cannot do the same things as them, and then they alienate you. It is like being the runt of the litter. Either you fight and become the fattest in the litter or you succumb to your weakness. Most runts will succumb, without human help. Same with us… we usually depend on someone else’s help for our everyday needs, not by shear lack of laziness, or wanting to have the easy life, but because we can longer fend for ourselves. When you fall from the superior realms of the strongest to the weakest, you are seen as no good, insufficient, hopeless, incompetent, useless; among other things. You are ranked right there with the elderly and the dying. You being to think what is this life for? Because as you see it now, there is no life, only life with pain and worries. You live day by day wondering what you done to deserve this horrid disease. You think maybe you have done someone wrong in your pass lives, or maybe it is your destiny. Destiny… We “sickly” are seen as a burden to the strongest, even the strongest who just barely rank above us. We are seen as a burden because we cannot do for ourselves and take up oh-so much of the strongest precious time to nurture us. Even loved ones see us as a “sickly” burden at times. We are seen as non deserving, because we cannot do for ourselves. For all the strongest care we can fall to the deepest, darkest, hole and never return, because that would suit them for not having to take care of their weak. We are like the horse with a broken leg, no fixing it, might as well put it down, because there is no use for a horse with a bummed leg. Why waste money, time, and energy on someone/something that is not going to make you a profit or contribute in anyway? Why give the weak a free ride, when you will not recoup. Crying is seen as a sign of weakness. We must be the weakest of all, those of us who cry because of the horrid pain, frustration, and agony we suffer on a daily bases. We “sickly” help the financial prosperity of the medical field. If it were not for us, the weakest, they would not be so wealthy, and the world would not go around so easily as it does now for the strongest. Are we a dying breed? Will the strongest rule forever and the weakest pushed to the side like unwanted thrash? Or will we be seen as equal?
Well said, Joonie. I can identify with everything you have said. But I'm not going to be swept away like trash no matter what some people believe.
Hugs, Joonie, hugs to you!
We have no choice but to 'live' with this stuff. Our families, friends have no idea what we go through. My sister in law said, 'get off the drugs, throw them out' , when I explained my need to protect my joints/viatal organs, etc. She apologized. My (so called friend) said, 'you'll never get the movement back in your artist's hands, ugh) what does she know!!, Other people just have no Idea. I saw a cartoon in the NYorker Mag. A woman in her housecoat seeing her husband off to the office 'she said,YOU can't understand this until you've walked a mile in my medication"!! We know, we feel, we 'see', the pain and stiffness in others. Let's stick together to get more research for this, demand good treatment, work with our doctors to get the best meds for ourselves. Keep trying everyone, FeelingBetter after 25 days of treatment. Remicade, mtx & prednisone which I think got me over the worst part. Good luck everyone,I think of you as a good and decent person. I believe you love your husband and children and do the best you can for them. I don't think that is nothing. Your family would be as devasted as New Orleans without you. Even worse they could not ever replace you.
Hugs to you.
Crying sometimes makes me feel better because I cry so much it makes me sleepy and I crash out, but now I have rosacea and crying flares it up so that I end up with big welts on my cheeks and forehead so now i can't even cry, which is frustrating I must say. I do understand why you feel like this Joonie and I'm so sorry that you do because it isn't fair. I read some positive thinking books where they say we create our own disease and that people with x disease have this problem such as people with RA are angry or guilty or whatever, and it makes me want to scream because I think what about JRA what did these children do - NOTHING - that's what. I watched my son accidentally stand on an ant the other day and I thought - I would never expect the ant so say what did I do to deserve that, I must have suppressed grief or rage or maybe its this or that - and yet I question why I have this so often too and then I think it's just rotten bad luck sometimes. BUT, we are far from useless we feel useless in comparison to todays concept of what useful is - and much of what I see 'stronger' people getting up to these days is far from useful when you think about it