I was wondering if anyone had family problems afte getting RA. I am now in my 2nd year and my marriage seems to be on the down hill. I am a stay at home Mom and we have been married 20+ years.Since I haven't had a public job in 20 years I don't think I can draw disability.Does anyone know what kind of help I could expect if indead we divorce? I'm really depressed and would appreciate ay good news! Jessie
I was rereading The New Arthritis Breakthrough and there's a whole
section on how RA affects relationships---it can be really hard,
especially since many people do not understand that depression is an
actual
symptom of the disease and not just a reaction to your condition. It
helps if you both ahve a really good understanding of the psychological
aspects of your disease. Would
your husband go to counselling with you?
When I read stories like yours I get so frustrated that homemakers and
stay at home parents are "unpaid labour" with no job security, pension,
or take away experience collateral. I guess if you get a divorce
you'll have to go after alimony. It seems kind of archaic but there you
have it.
Keep in mind the first year or two of RA are the hardest for everyone
involved because it's a major adjustment. I'm sorry I can't give you
info on social services since I live in Canada so I don't have a clue
about your system. Whatever happens I wish you
luck.
Try looking at this website www.socialsecurityhome.com/resources.htm there are some FAQ's about being stay at home mum and disability. This disease really tests our marriages and relationships, sorry to hear things are bad for you.
Take care
Lisa
I'm so sorry to hear this Jessie. I agree that the first couple of years after diagnosis are probably the roughest on a relationship. So many changes and so many things to get used. Like constant doc visits and new meds and not so great days...etc. Dealing with a chronic illness often follows the 7 steps of grieving for both the person with the chronic illness and their significant other.
The best thing I can say to you is that communication is key. And so is a lot of patience. You and your family have just been so turned upside down by all of this no one knows which way is up. Would counseling with a counselor that specializes in chronic illness be any help for you and your husband? It might help even just you if he does not want to go.
You are in my thoughts and I really hope everything works out for you.