Musings: embrace your suffering
Thich Nhat Hanh is a Buddhist monk who has written several very insightful books (…in my humble opinion). He has a lot to say about pain and suffering. His perspective comes from his own experiences growing up in
“I grew up in a time of war. There was destruction all around – children, adults, values, a whole country. As a young person, I suffered a lot. Once the door of awareness has been opened you cannot close it. The wounds of war in me are still not all healed. There are nights I lie awake and embrace my people, my country, and the whole planet with my mindful breathing.
Without suffering, you cannot grow. Without suffering, you cannot get the peace and joy you deserve. Please don’t run away from your suffering. Embrace it and cherish it. With understanding and compassion, you will be able to heal the wounds in your heart, and the wounds in the world.”
Everyone with a chronic illness suffers…that is an inescapable fact. The only choice we have is how we deal with our suffering, and the suffering that’s imparted to our families. Is it really possible to embrace suffering? Thict describes a 5-step process to finding peace in the midst of suffering.
1) Recognize the fact that you are suffering.
2) Accept the suffering as part of your life.
3) Embrace your suffering.
4) Look deeply into the causes of your suffering.
5) Understand the causes of your suffering, and allow your suffering to transform you.
Well, I’m still stuck on step 3. The best I seem to be able to do is re-word it to say “embrace your life as it is now, in spite of your suffering”. I don’t think that’s quite what Thict had in mind.
I hope you find peace and joy in your life,
Alan
alan, i guess i am step 2 accept suffering as part of your life,as i am still new to the disease, i am still stuggling with deniel,depression,and pain with the disease. But i know i will get past this in time.
kel
I know what you mean. It seems like we live in a culture that's obsessed with finding a quick and easy solution to every problem. We've never learned to persevere in the face of trials that persist with no end in sight. So we choose denial or become depressed when the pills don't work as well as we had hoped. It's a weakness of "western" civilation. I do think I've made progress though...I'm slowly learning to find peace in my current circumstances. It's tough though and I often relapse to the "why me" stage. But...I'm learning to perservere and embrace all of who I am.
Alan
Alan, it's taken me over 10 years to work my through Thich's 5 step process. Be patient. I've posted and talked about patience many times. I'm not a slow learner but the 5 steps are a very difficult process to understand and live by.
I've practiced mindfulness for years. The past is past, the future is unknown, and I have only the present to live my life and I choose to live in the present. I don't care about what happened to me 20, 30, 40, 50 years ago and I really don't have much control over my future, so for now I live fully in the present moment.
Suffering is not the illness, it's how we react and live the illness.
Thank you for opening this post about Thich Nhat Hanh's teachings.
Thanks for your encouraging words Lindy. Your response has emboldened me to push on a bit further. I've been reading the biography of Mother Teresa. She had some interesting things to say about suffering, also from a personal perspective...nothing theoretical about her experiences. Consider the following quote from the book:
"There could be few who had touched and known the suffering of the world as Mother Teresa had. She knew the suffering of chronic disease, broken bodies and starvation, and the suffering of niggling aches and unshared sorrows, the suffering that arose from solitude or simply from the knowledge that all things in time must crumble and pass away. She knew the difficulty of acceptance and what it was she was really asking when she called upon the suffering to smile; but she had also witnessed a courage which far exceeded endurance, a joy which transcended pain and the manner in which suffering could be the medicine which deepened people's humanity. And she saw in all this the daily and universal repetition of a great redemptive passion."
I also believe that suffering can deepen our humanity and, with perseverence, joy can transcend pain, but it's not an easy path.
Alan
Your last sentence intrigued me because I know that I will never transcend pain by suffering. I'm just your garden variety human who tries to understand the Four Noble Truths and incorporate their teaching into my 20th century, Western lifestyle. I don't do my family, my pets, my friends, my art justice if I don't use whatever medical treatment is available to me.
I can't even compare my chronic illness with the above sufferers. Their suffering was due to the lack of modern medical supplies, conditions, and health education. I've deepened my humanity by participating in my community and helping others. I do what I can do and I can't do it if I'm suffering. I'll never transcend to that level but I'm still way ahead of the game.
I've found that when we live in the Western lifestyle we have to take from the teachings what we can, and incorporate that into our lifestyle. Then we can live in both worlds, the present and the spiritual.
Alan, a very interesting topic. Someone recently pointed me in the direction of "reframing." This was originally used to help dysfunctional relationships but has now crept into other areas, including ours.
It seems to encapsulate the ideas you raised but in a less mystical form, more Westernised, shall we say. I don't think we need to get too deeply into this, it only adds to the anguish, we have what we have and must recognise and live with it. As has been said or implied by other posters. I know it's harder for those recently diagnosed but there are a lot of contributors here for whom the meds eventually kicked in, giving a reasonable quality of life and acceptance.
Take a look at reframing through a Google search, you'll need to be patient as there a lot of entries that don't apply.
I always enjoy your posts and hope the music continues, alas, I can't even get to concerts anymore. Cheers -Des.
Ok Question here: if you are taking all the meds prescribed and under good Physician care and you still suffer, is it to be that we embrace that? Or the suffering that one endures without treatment?
Example: I believe there is a difference in suffering if someone I cared for was hit by a car and I took them to a Dr. and I followed all the recommendations and was up on all my proactive care ( wellness care) and they were still in pain and had a major personality shift, compared to someone I cared for being hit by a car and I did absolutely nothing about it and that person suffered pain and anguish not to mention trauma.
SO which suffering are we to embrace? THe one that is assummed good medical treatment, or the scenerio inwhich no medical attention is given.
jode
Lindy: I take Humira and it has made a big difference for me. I still get flares but they're not as intense and are much shorter than before. So, I'm definitely in the category of "do what you can with the meds available and learn to deal with the rest". I do think that our own suffering can help us connect with others in a deeper, more understanding way...and we can find joy in that act of reaching out to others.
Dessy: Thanks for the tip; I'll check it out.
Jode: I don't know the answer to your question. As I said in the first post, I haven't been able to embrace suffering. The best I can do is embrace my life as it is now, rather than living in the past or waiting for a "pain-free" future. I think that is a step forward for me. It's so easy to get stuck mourning what used to be or placing hope in a future that may never happen.
Alan
My teachings are to embrace all suffering. There is no distinguishing between suffering. It is what it is - suffering. It doesn't matter what causes it. Each scenario that you described have suffering.
I don't fight it any longer. I've accepted the illness as part of my life and I work with it and around it. Suffering is just part of the illness. My life is not my chronic illness it's my family, my friends, my felines, my art, and all of the other wonderful aspects of living. RA/PA is just a little glitch and one that's not primary to my happiness. I probably will have it for the rest of my life and it will complicate my life but it won't control my life unless I allow suffering to take over. It can be a vicious circle of discontent or it can be a circle of action.
Right now I'm the facilitator for a chronic illness group. Even though I have severe RA according to my rheumatologist I'm the healthiest person in a group of ten people.
This works for me and maybe some others that post here. We all do what works for us. We're all different. Alan, is working on embracing suffering, I'm working on compassion.
Our destination is the same....to feel better, but our journey to arrive at feeling better are different.
This is a great topic. It took me a while but I realized that my new upside down/painful life has actually made me a much better person with love and compassion. I help women in our local jail addicted to drugs and alcohol fight and beat their addictions and bring their families back together.
I know that prior to getting sick I did not have the patience, compassion and love it takes to help these women. We are soon going to take a paroled prison inmate into our home in order to give this person the best chance in their re-entry to society. Though we have many failures in beating the addiction there are success stories and what is someone's life worth? When a mom of many children beats their addiction for good her children and even grandchildren are positively affected so the price of one person's life is also the price of generations of lives.
For me Jesus is my strength and He changed my sorrow and suffering to gladness and peace.
I enjoy my pain and suffering about half of the time.... depends on my attitude at that particular moment.I am generally a very positive person and just cope with whatever comes along and get on with life. But RA And vasculitis have made my life shrink down to the bare miniumum in the last two years. I've given up all physical activities, committees, volunteer & social activities basically absolutely everything but work. This is way bigger than a "glitch". I want my life back. No offense, I understand and agree with the philosophy but acceptance feels like giving up to me and I'm not ready to do that yet.
Laker
As Allen posted on Thict's 4 & 5 are conciousness to understand the reality of own suffering. There are extention to 5.
The reality is within you, just open the doors and look beyond to embrace nature and earthly causes. By so doing is to increase your energy level to mar your suffering. should you embrace the correct route of nature, you may find a cure.
It is definately a good deed in Buddhism (law of kama) or other religions to show compassion, love and care for the sufferers and less fortunates.
There is hope to cure chronic illnesses, just because the solution has not be found. Your mind is the most powerful to move your world in search for a cure. You have to embrace the choosen path to yield result.
Those who choose medical science path, they know their results.
I choose nature path, the result is positive and life is normal. My energy level is above the chronic disease, therefore I understand it well as a layman.
Only you can cure the disease, the reality is within you.
Thank you for sharing your experiences, Bonny. I find it inspiring that you have found the grace to transform your own hardship into a powerful gift that the world so desperately needs, people who aren't afraid to show compassion for others. Acts of caring compassion multiply in extraordinary ways. I think it's true we have to experience some turmoil and chaos in our own lives before we can connect and effectively minister to others. Ah...now there is a meaningful way to embrace one's suffering!
Alan
Oh Laker, acceptance doesn't mean giving up! It means being able to do some physical activity, some volunteering, and some socializing. When I accepted the fact that I have a CI and it's not going to go away or get better, then I was able to focus on restarting some of the things that I had to give up. I have portions of my old life back, small bytes of my old life, enough to make me happy and satisfied. I've modified what I did in my old life to fit into my new life. It's a matter of experimenting, trying, and accepting.
I'm fortunate because I don't work nor do I have small children that I have to take care of. My energy goes into functioning with this disease and it's complications. I am thankful everyday that I have this time for myself and my husband. I was working a very responsible and on some levels stressful job when I was hit with a severe onset of RA and was crippled and homebound for months. It's taken me 6 years to get to this level. It doesn't happen overnight and it takes patience, patience, patience. I'm now facing bilateral knee replacements, cardiac and lung complications from RA, and who knows what the future holds. You bet, I'm living my life each and every day as if this was my last day on earth.
Working with a chronic illness group has helped me be more compassionate and understand that not everyone is functioning at the same level , even though we have the same disease and same damage. Like I've said before we're all different. I can only tell you how I've dealt with RA/PA/OA and how I've built my life after RA. My life is more bountiful and beautiful because of RA.
Bonny, I agree with you about how this disease has made us the people that we are. Please PM me and keep me posted on how your new housemate progresses. Like me, you learn everyday what your limitations are. Some days unlimited and other days zilch but we give it our best.
Laker,
I really can relate to what you're saying. For me, though, it wasn't my own stuggle with RA that caused my life to "shrink down to the bare minimun", but a long dark stuggle to deal with my son's illness. I fought as hard as I could for many years but his condition steadily declined. Eventually, very painfully, I gave up and accepted the fact that I simply didn't have to power to make him better. Accepting that fact didn't stop me from doing everything I could to help make his life better. The amazing thing is that after I stopped trying so hard to control the situation, things did get better, and continue to improve even now. He was able to go to college and is currently living on his own, something I thought he would never be able to do. So, to me accepting and giving up are not the same thing. Acceptance allows me to let go of what I can't do, and focus my energies on what I can accomplish.
Alan
very thought provoking Very thought provoking as always Alan - his books have been lurking in the back of my mind since a friend used them some years ago when she had cancer. I find it hard to move on from the anger and the fighting of the disease. I hope one day I can do this but the reality of the day to day struggle with this disease and all that goes with it can be overwhelming.