Do you ever get used to it? | Arthritis Information

 

I am having trouble feeling embarassed about having to modify tasks at work. I am only 30 years old and my co workers look at me like I'm crazy when I'm having a bad day. Today my joints in my fingers were so swollen that I couldn't open a biohazard bag. I work in a hospital lab and all the specimens we run come in these ziplock like bags. I had to lay my wrist on one side and pinch the other side with my middle finger and palm just to open them. Everyone kept looking at me like I was crazy. I'm trying to tell myself that it doesn't matter what other think. I just feel kind of embarrassed. Do you get to the point that what others think doesn't matter anymore?

Oh yes, especially when it comes to judgement or criticism, you just simply learn not to value their opinion.Just say to yourself that you are higher up on the educated ladder of life because you have had to learn to modify tasks, and that is not an easy thing to do nor it it a lifestyle change you ever wanted.

Somedays I get used to it, somedays I don't. What other option is there?

jode

Yes, you do eventually get used to not caring what other people think.  And you get used to the modifications you have to make every day so you can get a job done or just simply live everyday life.  There are times you will find yourself being pretty creative too.

I give a hoot what people think about me when I need help with something or I have to be very creative to do it myself.  It's not my fault I have this stupid ra so why should I feel guilty if I need to make modifications or ask for help with something?  Took me awhile to get to that thinking..but I did.  I always get weird looks if we are out to eat and my husband is cutting my food for me if I can't do it.  I just cross my eyes at people and they stop staring at me lol. 

HI, Shoot!, isn't that the limit when people stare....didn't their mom's say 'don't stare'!! at people? Honestly, I have a friend who was born 'missing' the bone between here wrist and elbow. She has hands attacted to her elbow. SHE can do anything and everything we do, you would be amazed. She drives her car, does the housework and everything. So.....people do stare at her when we go out to lunch (especially young people) WHAT can they be thinking...such bores! Just do whatever you need to do and 'they'll get used to it' (at least you aren't asking them to do your job!!)If they stare look at them and say, "WHAT??"Sarah

Many times we are first embarassed because we are having challenges and therefore assume people are looking at us.  We often become hypersenstive and magnify our reactions to others.  What you perceive as someone looking at you like you are crazy may be somethng more like "should I offer to help" or "wow that was a creative solution"   Yeah sometimes it is people staring but probably not as often as you think.  If you think someone is staring try involving them in your problem.  They already know you are having issues so why not bring it into the open.  When someone is watching you ask them if they have a better idea on how to attack the issue.

But most importantly you can not control what others do you can only control your reactions to them. 

Hi Caprice. I know at first, you think that people are staring and you are very sensitive to it. Well, they may watch what you are doing and how you are doing it, but it won't bother you after a while. I think most of us get pretty creative in order to do some of the tasks that most people take for granted.

At first I was embarrassed to have to wear braces on my hands or back. People would ask what was wrong and I told them. Sometimes, if someone really has an interest, you can use the opportunity to educate people about RA and how it differs from OA.

Next, came my cane. I was embarrassed about that too. Then my walker, which I really hate to take out in public. I use it mostly at home. I don't know why the walker bothers me so much. I think it just makes me feel older than I already do. For the past 2+ years I have had a scooter. That helps my mobility and independence so much that I don't really care what anyone thinks, unless I'm just having a bad day, then everything bothers me.

But you really do get used to it. And I agree with Buckeye, that they probably aren't looking as much as we might think.

Oh Gramma, that is too funny about looking at people crosseyed

It does seem like working in a hospital lab would make people take health issues more in stride. They must see people with health problems all the time.

Try not to let it get you down. You really will get to the point that it won't bother you anymore.

Be well,

Nini

 

I guess I could be a little sensitive because this is all new to me. I just don't feel like explaining to everyone over and over again. They know I have issues, but it doesn't seem to click. Last time when my knees were acting up and I was limping, someone actually looked at me and asked my what was wrong with me. I'm like how many times do I have to tell you guys?I asked my boss to break apart my chopsticks at a conference we attended together.  Then I found out I couldn't really use them anyway. I often have to get help at work getting lids off things. I get strange looks, but hey so what. Things get done.hi caprice,

I would love to tell you it gets easier, but for me it hasn't.  I used to tell myself that people aren't really looking, but they were.  People would always ask me why i was walking to strangely. 

I was shopping with my brother in a Home Depot one day and an employee actually came over and asked if I wanted her to get me on of the carts that have chairs so that my brother could push me.  I know she was only trying to help, but I almost cried in the middle of the store.

Maybe its the fact that i'm only 22 that draws more attention to some of my strange behavior, but it really gets to me.

I know exactly how you feel and you just learn to live with it, I guess.

Hi,

I work with bio bags too.  We cut ours open with a box cutter.  Can you do this?  Maybe it would be easier.

Cristal

Maybe it's because I've dealt with this all my life but I've always found humor in my need for "adjustments" At work, when I need help with something, I typically make it a point of showing how disastrous it would be if I DIDN'T ask for help - ex: If we needed some coupons cut up for the guest's breakfast, I'd start to cut one, and mess it up REALLY bad, then laugh and joke about what the guest would say if we handed them out that way, all jagged with words missing.

One day we decided to take a day trip to the airforce museum in Ohio. I loaded up my son and he and my mom and my nana went to the museum. When there, we were outside looking at the planes and some idiot said outloud..." oh look at the ol' crip". Of course me being the person I am was outraged and wanted to say something and my father said "no do not say a word, he doesn't realize that this could happen to him as easily as it happened to me". Well initially I succomed to what my dad stated but it really bothered me, he didn't have the accident on purpose.....dah........ his life was filled with pain and frustration but still had the gumption to love life and be thankful for the time he had with all of us.

Later when we passed that man again as we looked at the airplanes, I told my dad in a loud voice.." look there is that idiot that thinks his life will be full and perfect forever". My dad was a bit aggravated at me and told me to hush and said you are teaching your son that it is ok to say things like that. Well I felt bad but so did that mean guy, his face turned all red.

I guess what I am trying to say is that through all my experience with all this crap and disease is that you have to let all the remarks and hurt feelings go or else it could eat you alive an dreally, the stranger on the street or the person staring does not care, so it is up to us to stand firm and believe that we are not really all that different because maybe, just maybe the really bad thing that will come to them just hasn't occurred yet.

When a person stares it is because they have not seen whatever they are staring at before, or they are rude! And "rude" happens!lol

jode

 

Hi.....

Though I don't *work out in the world, I do go out shopping., etc., and yes, people do look at you funny and watch you....I remeber once at Walmart this old man just got irate because we parked in a Handicapped space (that he wanted!!) he fussed and fumed. Hey, just becasue I don't *Look Sick, doean't mean I'm not...that old buzzard got around better than me!

So, you do what you have to make yourself comfortable and do your job...your co-workers should remember *If not for the grace of God go I...Their lives can change in a heartbeat too!

Delena
i plan to eventually get a custom made cane painted purple and beat my way through the rest of my life, muttering inane things under my breath in public.  And a black cape with a hood, just to scare em.  Definitely not what I thought I would be when I grew up, but if I am going to be all crippled up, I have decided I might as well dress the part and have some fun. 

People can be so cruel and I really don't know if you ever get used to it.  I think you just have to find a way to let it roll off.  I work in a very busy veterinary practice and have literally walked up on people talking about me or making fun of me.  Although I tell myself they're shallow and I hope to god they never have to experience this disease...sometimes it really hurts my feelings.  It makes it hard to go into work on a really bad day but what can ya do....gotta pay the bills.  I think the hardest thing for people that don't have RA or another dibilitating condition is that you don't look sick to them and one day you may appear fine to them walking, using your hands etc....  and the next day you're totally jacked up.  I wouldn't wish this disease on my worst enemy however, I'd love for them to experience it for "just one day". 

Peace & Love...Neasy

I agree with Neasy.....I think everyone around us should have to be in pain for just ONE day....to see why we say and do the crazy things we sometimes do.

I have a VERY difficult time with my peers. SAHM's here are supposed to fit into this "mold" and taking medications, talking about illness, and generally trying to cheer yourself up by buying SHOES is HIGHLY frowned upon. Oh, and don't get me going on being judged for being rail-thing. I can't tell you HOW many times I have had a fellow mom tell me "oh you're too young and skinny to have any type of problems, you're just addicted to drugs and an attention seeker"

Okay. I DO seek drugs, because I am in pain you morons. But attention?? Naw. I just refuse to fit into the "perfect north dallas housewife" mould that seems to be required to be apart of any group here. *rolls eyes*

I consider myself lucky that I have my RA friends on-line, and several very close friends who understand my personal daily struggle and I trust them to look in my medicine cabinet and not judge me because there are hundreds of percocet, vicodin, xanax, anti-depressants, and a small amount of morphine. Then you now see thhe NEEDLES for my husband's at-home allergy shots...and wozers, people really go insane. I had a woman e-mail me last night asking if I was shooting my meds up, because she was worried about me. o-kay.

SO, yes, it IS hard to get used too. It's VERY difficult to find people whom you can trust and will understand...especially when it comes to meds. There is SO much stigma around narcotics around here, it's not even funny. It's sad actually. I actually had someone swipe my Xanax last time I hosted a playdate, and I swear I was missing some pain meds. I could be wrong on thhat. But I KNOW when a FULL script of xanax goes missing!!! (because I don't take it that much....it makes me stupid)

sorry for the novel. I'm kind ticked about people being insensitive this morning.   

Hi, was this suppose to be funny?

 I wouldn't have forgotten how badly my grandmother was when she had this 'stuff'. I wouldn't have been surprised when I got it and would have gotten help sooner. Sarah

Look people stare at anything and everybody that is unusual.

Haven't you ever caught yourself staring at someone different? They don't even have to have a defect sometimes to get me 'to lookin'. The 1st time I saw a woman in a sari made of golden thread I couldn't take my eyes off her outfit (she actually shimmered in the sunshine). 

They don't mean you any harm. They are just curious humans. Forgive them.

Ms. Midge, I bought a metal locking medicine cabinet at IKEA and hubby bolted it to the wall behind my bedroom door. It's only one med bottle  deep and has 3 shelves - it can hold a lot!. I think we paid under for it. We have so many teenagers coming and going I was worried one my be tempted....[QUOTE=owiedeb]Ms. Midge, I bought a metal locking medicine cabinet at IKEA and hubby bolted it to the wall behind my bedroom door. It's only one med bottle  deep and has 3 shelves - it can hold a lot!. I think we paid under for it. We have so many teenagers coming and going I was worried one my be tempted....[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I should probably pick one up. Although, I don't hang out with that gang anymore...and my current list of friends, all of them are like "oh, I have thhis script, is it something you take? do youw ant it?" lol. It's so sweet, they are always truely concerned....but thhere are the few that just think you are wierd.

I proudly wear my lidoderm patches....BIG white bandages around my wrists. People stare, people ask, but you know what, I can DRIVE without crying from pain....so it's totally worth it. I will admit, that even I stare at myself whhen I also have them on my knees AND ankles and am wearing a dress. LOL. dang texas weather.

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