WHEN I'M 100, IF I LEAN A LITTLE...LET ME !
OH MY GOSH GRAMMA!! I don"t think I've ever laughed so hard at the topics as I have today. This takes the cake
Reminds me of a story. Hubby and I asked our eldest dughter if she would look after us when we got older, she said yes but would pay for an old peoples home and buy us plastic furniture so she could sit us on it an hose us down
OMG that is hilarious!!!! But wait - there's more!! Thats a lovely story ( if talking about wind can be lovely
My friends daughter was born with hydrochephalis and she loves to burp really loud with the other kids......and then she giggles and waves her hand to say pardon. OOPS SORRY KIWI I CALLED YOU GRAMMA
Peace & Love...Neasy I'm Nanny too Kiwi!! To Micah and Madi (my best friend's grandchildren) , Alas I don't have any of my own yet. But this is great too. A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by her saying: "God Bless Mommy, and God bless Daddy, and God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said "I don't know, it just seemed like the thing to do" The next day the grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the little girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this " God bless Mommy, and God bless Daddy and good-bye grandma" The next day the grandma died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, the kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy". He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was as nervous as a cat all day, had lunch, and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch, and jumping at every sound. Finally, midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief, and went home. When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said "I don't want to talk about it. I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said "You think you've had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!" This one happened when I went to my rheumatologist to get my diagnosis: I had to fill out all of the paperwork that was involved and in one section there was space for what ailments close relatives had. One asked if any had Rheumatoid Arthritis. I checked yes. My rheumatologist was entering all this information into his computer (he does that the whole time he's seeing you for your appointment) and he commented on what I had written about my great aunt and her condition. I told him that she had passed away but that the RA had done a job on her, she was bent over from the head to the waist, I mean her head was almost touching her waist and she could hardly walk. He assured me that this didn't mean that my RA would be that severe and that I should not worry about it. I called my cousin (the RA aunt's daughter) and asked her what Aunt Susie had taken for her rheumatoid arthritis and she seemed puzzled and said to me, "My mom didn't have rheumatoid arthritis." I questioned her about how crippled my aunt was and my cousin, laughing, said to me, "You'd be crippled too Danielle, if you fell head first out of a second story window!" Now yes, that was funny. What was funnier was when I went back to my rheumatologist to get my test results I told him that I had made an error and that no one in my family had suffered from RA. He said, looking at his notes, "What about your aunt?" I said to him,"Oh, that wasn't RA, she fell headfirst from a second story window." This man is so stoic that he, at times, looks almost dead. He laughed so hard that he had to excuse himself to get himself together. I think he gets perverse pleasure from pain and that's why he became a rheumatologist. LOL
The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where
the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma
couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to
communicate.
After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to
the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and
stuffed pillows on her right.
A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.
Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again
grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.
A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"
Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew...
"They won't let me fart."
I have actually seen this type of thing happening. I was at one time working as a Recreation Co-ordinator in a Rest Home. One of my Monday morning jobs was to take a group of residents through an exercise session. They did these exercises sitting in their arm-chairs. We did it to a nice slow steady beat of music. I sat out front as the role model.
In one of the exercises, they had to have their arms tucked in at the elbows, then gently lean to one side, then back to the middle, then over to the other side and repeating 5 times.
Well, of course, the inevitable would happen, and my little old ladies would giggle and giggle. It was so funny, I called them my "wind instruments" section of the orchestra!!
But wait - there's more!!
My other job was teaching intellectually and physically disabled adolescents. I had one young lad with quite severe problems - but in such a lot of ways these kids are no different from their normal peers.
He was wheelchair bound and had picked up that if he pulled his knee up by his chin, then he was in a position that he could provide "boy type" entertainment for the rest of the kids in the class - especially if he thought I might be working him too hard!!!
This from a young lad who could not walk, could not communicate verbally, could not feed himself. But was clever enough to realise that if he pulled up that knee REALLY quickly, he could at the same time produce something guaranteed to throw the rest of the kids into hysterics!! It would usually start a competition!! Boys!!
Who says these special kids aren't clever!!
A lady was on a plane, sneezing, sneezing, sneezing but smiling.
the man next to her asked if she has an allergy....She replied "oh no everytime I sneeze I have an organism"
he said "do u take anything for it?"
to which she replied "Pepper"....
A lady was on a plane, sneezing, sneezing, sneezing but smiling.
the man next to her asked if she has an allergy....She replied "oh no everytime I sneeze I have an orgasm.....
he said "do u take anything for it?"
to which she replied "Pepper"....
[/QUOTE]
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving
together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his
apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled
with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall! It
was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and
she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into
organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf,
medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge,
enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange
for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large a collection of Teddy
Bears, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by
his sensitive side.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she
finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe
he could be the future father my children?" She turns to him and kisses him
lightly on the lips. He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's
clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity,
more heat than she has ever known, and even did a few things she had never
done with any other man.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?" The guy gently smiles
at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and
says......................
"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf Bump for Lynda - this is only one of them, but I'll keep looking for the other one for you - it's a bit further back than this I think
Hi, THANK you! , I love them , maybe a joke 'post' a day! LyndaOMGosh! I just read this string and about fell out of my chair laughing!!
Q. How do you start a fight with a redhead?
A. Say something.
I wouldn't dare Lisa!! I'm keeping my mouth firmly shut!!Clear Thinking: One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, Isn't that obvious?) "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her. "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment For all I know you could start at any moment." "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
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