Newbie | Arthritis Information

Hello All:

My fiance' believes, for many reasons, that she has RA. She's currently having blood tests to confirm as much. She's a Veterinarian, and tends to be fairly calm about diseases and health issues.

I'm not sure how to help her- emotionally at this point. In fact, from reading a little on these boards, it seems as though symptoms vary from person to person.

Please help me get a sense of RA! You can only understand so much when reading generic descriptions online.

It varies from person to person. With me, I just never feel "good." There's always this flu-like feeling and I'm completely worn out. It seems I can never get enough sleep. My fingers and wrists cause me problems and sometimes lock up on me. My feet are the worst though! I didn't realize they could hurt so bad. Sometimes at night even the weight of the comforter is unbearable. Lately I've been having chest pains - taking deep breaths, sneezing and even laughing hard are uncomfortable. I know there are others who are worse off though. As far as supporting her emotionally, all I can say is don't treat her like a cripple. This disease doesn't own us; we own it. Hope this helps a little...

Melanie

Thanks Melanie,

Good points, and advice.

Patrick, welcome to the board. I'm sorry that your fiancee is unwell with what could be RA, What a wonderful man you must be, to be looking for info so you can understand this illness and support her.

The emotional support of our loved ones is the one that helps us to cope with the day to day trials of coping with pain, diagnosis (it can be a rocky road) treatment, and just daily sifting through the emotions that go along with having a chronic disease. To have your emotional support in this journey I am sure, will give her huge comfort and strength.

We all have differing levels of RA, but the object is to get the inflammation down, which reduces pain and damage. It can sometimes be a bit of trial and error as to what medication will work for each individual, and your support during this time will be precious.

So keep posting here, ask your questions - read other posts, and I surely hope that you both get some answers soon.

This is a wonderfully supportive community, lovely to have you, but I'm very sorry you have the need to be here.

Patrick79,

I was diagnosed with RA just a few months ago. Had pain mainly in my hands and wrists. I feel very fortunate compared to others here on this forum. I took 2 weeks of prednisone and take methotrexate (MTX-a form of chemotherapy in pill form) once every week....and will probably continue to do so for the rest of my life.

I have a weight-lifting limitation of 20 lbs. now, but other than that, I feel so much better. I seem to stay very tired though.

My mother was diagnosed years ago at age 36 with RA and lived into her late 70's. Fortunately there are much better treatments available today.

Hopefuly your fiance' will be able to get the best treatment for her situation. It's great that you are so supportive. My husband is also.

Hi Patrick & welcome to AI

As the others here have stated, RA symptoms vary from person to person. I think the main thing at this point is patience and good communication.

It might be helpful to take a look at this site. Scroll down the left side and click on the Spoon Theory inparticular. I am a big fan of the Spoon Theory and find it very helpful. It's based on Lupus but it's quite useful when trying to understand what people go through with RA as well.

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/

We're here to help so drop by anytime with any questions or concerns you have. Someone is always around.

Peace & Love...Neasy

Wow, what a great guy you are to be here doing your research to help your fiance'. Well done.

RA means many things as you have already worked out. Myself, I hurt from the nose down, all day, every day in varying degrees. Different parts of me hurt worse at different times. The fatigue is exactly like chronic fatigue that we experience and then we also have insomnia because we are in so much pain we can't sleep. And then there is the swelling which is just not nice, lol.

This disease is completely unpredictable. We can be feeling well (a remission) and suddenly we will 'flare' and won't always know the reason why.

Emotionally this can be a roller coaster. This is a grief process, just like if part of you died. Bits of your life change forever, you lose bits. Loss is a big theme here. Also RA and depression go hand in hand and anxiety also is something we deal with...as who wouldn't be anxious that their body doesn't work how it used to and all these strange things are happening to it?

Here is a great link to help understand the grief process:
http://changingminds.org/disciplines/change_management/kuble r_ross/kubler_ross.htm

Emotional support from loved ones and friends makes all the difference to us as people with RA but it is a grief process for them too and not all of them can handle it.

Give her as much support as you can, get as educated as you can. Those things will help.

I've had RA for a pretty long time now and there are plenty of good days. The thing to remember is that it's not something that goes away. Even on good days it's not quite like good days for other people. Try to be patient with her as she begins to learn all about this new journey she's about to begin. There will be changes along the way but she will learn to adjust....and so will you. She's lucky to have a man in her life that's willing to at least try and understand. So many don't have that.

Send her here. It will be good for her to meet and make friends with other's that share her daily struggles. Sometimes it's easy for friends and family to forget for a while that we're even sick but trust me there isn't a day that goes by that we ourselves don't remember we have RA (Even if we act like we're fine). Sometimes it's not something we want to bother our families with but it's so nice to come here and talk to friends that have been there before we have.

I wish I had found a place like this in my early years.

Welcome to AI. Hope you'll both join us on a regular basis and learn together about life with RA and chronic illness. It's not all bad.

Wonderful post Lovie....nicely put.

Peace & Love...Neasy

Hey Patrick!

You are indeed a wonderful person for learning as much as you can to help your girl!

I'd guess I'm about 90% back from being on a walker at night 4 months after diagnosis. I got a lot better on the Antibiotic Protocol (AP). I can (and do) everything I did do prior to becoming ill. The only real symptom left seems to be fatigue. If you want more info, please check out www.Roadback.org. If she's a vet I've been told there are a lot of studies done on animals in relation to infection theory but wouldn't know where to look for the info she would be able to use. Doc's use PubMed. What do vets use?

Pip

Dear Patrick, you are a dear person to research this for your loved one. without knowing if she will be dxed with 'it' , it is hard to know what to say. We've all waited out the dx , and it is a bear. We don't want to hear we have this disease. While she is waiting you might let her know 'it don't matter a hoot' whether she has it or not, she's the same person!!

we all have different experiences and I remember having my first doc examine my walk, my hands and figure out how strong I could squeeze her hands. She was looking for many things. I was put on medication (plaquinel), and did great for many years, then on to another doctor and methotrexate. There are lots of drug choices to protect our joints and that's what we want.

Let us hear about the dx, I hope it is negative. Lynda

Thanks everyone, this is a great help.

Hi Patrick

I am very new to this site and new to RA (Jan 07). My hubby did lots of research and feels frustrated he cant take the bone deep aching away for me. Cordelia is right, the grieving process of your 'normal' changing forever is quite simply staggering. My fingers and elbows hurt pretty much on and off all day everyday.

My hubby is always available to be 'talked at', he cuddles me when I need to weep and just loves me 'no matter what'. That means more to me than anything he can say.

The girls and boys on this site have given invaluable advice and snippets of info for which I'm completely overwhelmed and grateful for.

There's not much I can add to the many eloquent posts here. I just want to also commend you for the support you're showing your fiance. You are an incredibly important part of her life and will have an impact on how well she handles and lives with RA if that turns out to be the problem. Apparently there's something going on, even if it isn't RA and your lady is so blessed to have you in her corner. There's a special place in heaven for guys like you.

Patrick, I am so proud of you and your research into this web blog and researching the disease. She will need a lot of support, and there are certain things that should NEVER come out of your mouth. (I know this because my significant other of 19 years has tried it out.) Please don't ever tell her "you have to suck up the pain and go on." Every one on this board can tell you that getting out of bed is sucking up the pain, as well as, there are days where that is all you do is "suck up the pain" until you want to die. There are also going to be a lot of emotions. She just wants you to listen to all of the "What ifs" and she knows full well that you can not fix them, so don't try. Get her her favorite thing instead. Mine is ginger ale and my children make sure I have some on those days.

I appreciate the fact that there is a man out there that would take the time to do this. Please work through this together, because this is not just "HER" disease.

Thank you for the inspiration.