OT-My Flakiness... | Arthritis Information

So, I am ashamed to admit that I have found myself to be rather 'flaky' in following through on commitments since my ra was diagnosed, and am resolving to change my ways.

I mostly stay home and live alone, but really want to get out and try to make some new friends. I do have a couple of friends I see off and on over the past couple of years. I cancelled a weekend invitation with a friend, and she was venting to another friend about me and accidently sent to email to me instead of her other friend! Anyway, she mentioned that she was going to cut me out of her friendship and also said "I feel for her, because the disease may kill her (I've heard people have lost friends and relatives in their early to mid forties (she's forty-eight), ..." ???

I admit, I had 2 aunts who passed away at age 55 due to ra complications, but is it really that fatal?

Tara L39290.8452777778

Hang in there and be patient with yourself. This diagnosis is huge, because unlike cancer where you know most of the time the road to recovery or not is A or B. This one effects people so differently and genetics play such an important part. For example, my dad had the same kind of Arthritis that I do and had the psoriasis too, but my dad had Crohns with it. I do not so far and plan not to. I do have GERD though.

I have a long line of relatives on his side and the oldest was 63 and that was my great grandma. My dad just passed away because of untreated complications. He was 61. Although it is possible to die from this I want to concentrate on doing all I can to live--long and happy.

Maybe she "accidentally" sent it to you on purpose? I think you definately need a new friend. I hope you find someone who deserves your friendship. Just remember that she will get hers in the end.Stick with us Honey, we will laugh and cry and anything in between with ya.!!!

I am so glad you guys are here!! I'm very sad,,,But I'm going to try to make this turning point in my life where I focus on the best in things spend more time with the Lord, and focus on being a true, honest, dependable friend when I meet someone again.

And I was wondering if she did 'accidently' send it...maybe a passive agressive way to send me a message without having to actually deal with it. Ah well

Hi Tara...that just sounds awful. I am sorry you're having such a hard time...it will get better.

Kick her to the curb! That is the reason I do not have friends in my life, other than the ones I have made on this board. Friends are the most fickle people I have ever seen, well at least the ones I seem to attract.

Heck, my hubby is my friend, and I got days I want to kick him to the curb as my friend. Sometimes he is just no friend material if you get what I mean.

funny..I'm laughing as I'm crying. you guys are true friends. i can be myself here.

thanks

Tara - my gt. grandfather, according to his death certificate died at 79 from rheumatism & paralysis (RA to us) in 1862 - if he could live that long then so can we.
Keeping friends with RA is so difficult - people just dont get you cant always be fun company when you feel
horrible, keep up with them physically or often when you are on a reduced income afford to socialise. I think this is one of the worst things about RA.
I think all we can do is look for quality in friends not quantity.Oh, Tara, I am sorry you are sad.

I lost two friends with my RA, because what you find with this is who your true friends really are.

This disease is very isolating and you do need some people in your life but need to find people who are supportive and understanding of where you are at. They are out there. I have some, so don't give up.

Maybe join one thing that interests you and try and get there or is there a support group nearby that may be useful.

You will lose people, something this serious shows peoples true colors. I consider myself lucky, I actually have four good friends who hand in with me.

I think too that it is good for us with RA to focus on something else, this disease can be all consuming, focusing on someone else's life can be good for us. And you do have stuff to give. One of mine told what I gave her is she so admired my tenacity and determination. Try and make your life something else apart from RA. I know that isn't easy when you can't even get in the shower but it is worth doing when you can manage.

TARA- my aunt is 80 and she has had RA for many years, she has been wheelchair bound for 20 years. Other than her RA and breast cancer 9 years ago she is what she describes as "healthy as an ox".

You will certainly learn who your friends are when something like this happens. I have learnt that somethings just arent worth worrying about or as important as I first thought.

You have lots of friends on here, not just cause we all have an illness but because we all have a heart

Find a good thought like vacation and don't let this get you down to much

Jay

Hi Tara,

There are all these people here who know just what you're going through. I developed Cushing's syndrome from the prednisone, severe depression, and many other RA associated problems. My true friends remained by my side, and their understanding helped me through years of dealing with the emotional, as well as the physical, difficulties.

There were extended periods that I would HATE to leave the house. It was my sanctuary. I literally prayed so hard that I would be able to go and spend Christmas with family. (There were two Christmas days that I had to send my husband and kids off without me, leaving me to just stay home alone.)

Please know that so many others are empathetic to what you are going through. Take care, and God bless.

Janice that was very sweet. It does my heart good to see true compassion.

(((((hugs)))) That is not a friend and really you could either face her down about her comments or just kick her to the curb and forget about her.

We make no plans for anything and our true friends understand that. They know we do things spur of the moment and totally understand that.

I have lost friends due to this crud but then again I think...they weren't really friends if they can not understand and support my very minor changes in my lifestyle.

It is really unlikely this day and age for you to pass away at a young age from the RA. Too many new medication and treatment breakthrus that help stave off the effects of RA on the body.

Hang in there. I think we all know what you are going thru and have been there at one point or another.

Oh! That was just heartless. I can't imagine saying that about someone I didn't know or didn't like, much less about a friend. And if she did do it on purpose so as not to "deal" with you, shame on her.

You must be very hurt and grieving this friend, even if--in the end--she proved not to be a good one. I'm sorry for your pain; but don't be afraid to trust in others in the future--you can't let her take that away from you.

Sending hugs and best wishes--

Christina

Hi, sorry you had to find out through an e-mail "directed" to someone else. Did you send a reply? I think I would under the circumstances. Just a quick note thanking her for it. Is that weird? What do you others think you would do in this situation?Thanks for all you understanding, support and encouragement. You guys rock!I really feel bad for your former friend as she is the big loser here. I am not sure if I would answer it or not, but if I did there would be a lot of unprintable words in the message.
I hope that you can put this behind you and start feeling better. We have or still do feel the same way as you do. Hang in there because all days are not bad days.

Maybe you could "accidently" send an e-mail to her/to another friend about how you feel bad for her! Ya know, because she can't handle her friends having diseases. Talk about how sad it is. ;-)

I'm so wrong. But so funny, Katie Just had to say again-you guys are great. thanks
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