Well.......
On July 17th, Justin's mom had a mass removed from her colon. It was painful and turning her stomach black. She let it get that bad though, she knew it was in there several months prior, and when they suggested taking it out, she said no. *sigh*
So she got the word back about what it was. Yup, cancer. It's spread to her stomach and intestines, and they want to go back in and scrape out what they can. She's on 100% full disability, you name it, she's on it. She's practically not allowed to leave the house at this point. She couldn't even name the cancer, because she'd never even heard of it. The odds of beating it are apparently very slim. She starts chemo this week, I believe.
She's 60 years old, a closet smoker, has diabetes, crohn's, and heart disease. And this is her second battle with cancer.
Let's make this harder, shall we? Last year Justin lost his Nana, who was really more of a mother to him than his real mother. His family is VERY small, and some don't even speak to each other. Long story short, if his mom goes, he'll be all that's left.
We got the call about this earlier tonight, and I'd been debating if I should share or not. I also didn't want to be writing about it while he was home. He's at work now so I have my time to sit and process how I'm going to handle this. I'm not really sure yet.
He's not taking it well, of course, but he's also not in a state of panic or anything. I just really don't know what to say to him, or do for him. He told me "All I really need, is for you to be there" And I am, 110% But that just doesn't feel like enough.
My family is small, but not as small as his, I can't even begin to fathom losing basically the last member of your family. He has 2 aunts, one is god knows where, I don't think anyone's heard from her in 10-15 years or so. The other is living in the same town as his mom, but they do NOT get along, and never have. I could share some real horror stories about that woman, and trust me, its one of those times in life where you'd wonder why he HASN'T disowned her yet. It's because his mom is still around, and insists that he remains "nice" to her. Which makes me SICK, btw.
So aside from one REALLY f***ed up aunt, he's got NO ONE. I just want to scoop him up and run off. Marry him and give him tons of fat babies so he never has to feel alone......'
I just don't know what to do for him right now. I had to share, vent, whatever. I don't even know what I'm asking.
The only death I've ever dealt with was my grandfather's. It's not even really done for me either, because not only was I not there when he passed, I never got to say goodbye, or see the body. He was cremated. I want to say he died almost 6 years ago, maybe more, and a lot of times I forget that he's dead. Because it's almost as if it never happened.
I'm just amazed that Justin hasn't snapped yet. He spent all of last year in and out of the hospital, then got better and lost his grandmother. Now he's probably going to lose his mom. Sheesh, can someone cut the guy a damn break already????
My prayers are with your family. Just remember a slim chance isn't no chance. I had a college proffessor who had ovarian cancer with a 3% chance of survival. Not only did she survive, but finished up teaching and retired. As we know, doctors don't know everthing. I'll be praying for your miracle.
Katie,
Sorry to hear about Justins Mom.That realy sucks. I lost my Dad when he was 53. Remember that guys and girls are different in what we need. Maybe "All I really need, is for you to be there" is just what he wants. Us guys often need time to process stuff for a while. (Yes we are mostly trying to see if we can fix it, but thats okay too.) It sound like he has your support and he needs that more than anything else.
Jay
awww sweetie, this is gonna be just as hard for you as it is for Justin. I re-read your post and I'm not sure what you were saying. Does Justin know anything about this yet? You were asking how much to tell him. I think it's best to tell him right away, otherwise he might be upset if he finds out you kept it from him. He's a big boy, and unfortunately this is one of those tough things we have to deal with in life. It sucks that he is an only child and has no other family to speak of. Anyone on dad's side of the family? I would try to be there for him and let him talk, as little or as much as he needs. You will know if he is not handling things well pretty quickly. Stress is the LAST thing you both need. I'm sending you lots of hugs!
Does your employer offer an EAP? Might be something for you both to look into, but for now, just file it away. Oh, when the heck is the wedding? Huh? For goodness sakes, I think we're gonna have to carav an across the country and drag both your hineys to the courthouse! What do you all think?
Haha no, he knows. She called HIM. I just don't know what to SAY to him. He hasn't seen/heard from his dad since he was 7. We don't get EAP, as far as I know. We don't get crap really. But he would be allowed to take time off anyway, because our bosses love us. Thank God.
Hey Katie dear, I am so very sorry. I have come to the conclusion that death pretty much bites the big one!
I lost my dad to complications from Psoriatic Arthritis in Sept. at 61 years. My husband just lost his dad on Sunday. When my dad died, gosh you had to carry me around and sometimes an old Beattles song comes on and I just lose it(dad was a musician, and played in several local band in LV). My husband has been stoic and just working this like a business transaction. I am sure at some time he will just break and for him it will be after we are home from the funeral and we are alone. He will not break in front of the kids, as to not worry them. Having one emotional basket case in the family is enough. My husband said the same thing that Justin did, just be with me and stand by me. I am making sure to do that with a little extra attention, and hubby is a neat freak and has caught my OCDness, and I have lost it. So, the kids and I cleaned a little for him today.
You can do this, because you love him and you will be there to listen and be attentive. Trust yourself, you've got what it takes. Trust your instincts. Love on your parents before they leave too.
Love ya honey, and I will say an extra prayer for you guys, and Justin's mom.
My heart and prayers go out to Justin & you as you come to terms with this sad news. As, of course, for Justin's Mum. I'm sure you will be just the rock that Justin needs at this time - from the little I know of you, it seems that you are ALWAYS there for each other, so you certainly have that skill.Katie,
I'm so sad for you and Justin to have received such awful news. However, as others have said slim chance is not no chance and I will pray that Justin's mom has much more time with him and you. On that note, the doctors have told me since the age of 13 that I would never have children. I have a 2 yr old. So never and slim chance are just words as far as I'm concerned. There are times, for me, when it's evident that someone much more powerful than me is pulling the strings.
I lost my mom in Sept. She died suddenly at the age of 56 from heart disease that went undetected. My youngest brother was all business. That's what he needed to be to deal. Just do as you have been and be there for Justin.
All of you are in my prayers.
Katie sweetie I am so sorry you're dealing with even more stress right now. You have to take care of him and yourself and that may seem a bit overwhelming but just take it one day at time. And remember that we're all here for ya kiddo
Remember that the Lexipro takes a while to work like it ought too
Bless you and Justin, tell him we'll talk to him too if he needs to vent!
Okay everyone, Katie's interview is at 12:30 central time. Let's all send her our postive energy and thoughts! Let's send her into this interview with everything we can give her. She needs this job! It will be less stressful, an easier job for her to handle physically, and a promotion as well.
Katie as I told you last night, I know you and Justin will be fine. You are a great team, always there for each other and you will be able to deal with this and life's other challenges together, as it should be. Don't worry about what the right thing to do or say is, just stay tuned into Justin's feelings and adapt to them as needed.
He's probably going to have some days when he is a real jerk, and says insensitive things about seemingly unrelated stuff. Just cut him some slack, don't take it personally and understand that is what guys do. They hold stuff in and then it pops out through the little cracks, LOL! (PUN INTENDED).
There is no right or wrong way to feel or act. Everyone needs to find their own path, and come to their own peace with life's passages. As painful and as hard as it is, it is a path of personal growth and understanding, and in the end it does help us grow. The more we understand life, the more we appreciate it, and the beauty of its gift
Okay, time's fast approaching guys, the power of love is an amazing, awesome power. I'm sending it your way, kiddo!
Katie~ I am so sorry you and Justin are having to go through this. I cant really offer any words of advice for I have never been in the situation of loosing a parent. The only thing I can say is to just be there for him. Also remember that we are all here for you if you need someone to vent to or a shoulder to cry on. I hope your interview goes well today too hun.
I am sorry for Justin. I hope his mom is one of the slim few that does make it thru.
Much hugs and prayers your guys way
Sweetie, my thoughts and prayers are with you both, and his Mom, too. I have been through too many deaths in my lifetime, the latest being my only brother last year, from liver cancer.
The only thing I can offer is pretty much what everyone else said. When he said to be there for him, I'm sure that's just what he needs. Just be ready to hold on to him at any time, because you never know when it's going to hit you.
One more suggestion: If it begins to look like she's going to be at the end stage very soon, please encourage Justin to go and see her while she is still aware. When that happens, it can sometimes go pretty fast. She may not be conscious or aware of her surroundings. Most of the time, if people miss that window, and don't get there in time to tell the person they love them and say good-bye, it can be very hard on the survivor. It is also good for the person who is dying, to know that their loved ones are there and they will be okay.
I don't know what his situation is with his Mom, but the regret can be there regardless.
My best wishes to you both. I know you must be a great comfort to him. Your love and compassion for him come through in your posts.
Much love,
Nini
PS: I'm sending you good vibes for your interview. Let us know what happens.
AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
MY INTERVIEW IS TOMORROW NOW.
*smashes head into wall* I'm losing my patience with *EVERYTHING* right now....my mother PISSED ME OFF today. I was trying to tell her what was going on with Justin's mom, and all her big mouth could say was "where's that money we loaned you to fix the car? WHy isn't he helping you pay that back?"
HE IS!! WE JUST GOT PAID AT MIDNIGHT FOR CHRIST SAKE! I'm putting 0 back in their account. My god we only owe them 0 and she acts like I've DRAINED her. *sigh*
Justin's doing alright. He told me today that he doesn't want to go up there until it gets bad. He's afraid if we try to go sooner than that, we'll get back and something will happen and we won't be able to turn right back around and go again. I can understand that. He said he's going to call her a lot. He already calls her once a week, which is more than I call my mom........LOL
My stomach is KILLING me and I don't know why. I took the Lexapro this AM, and I'm jittery as HELL. I forgot, for the first week I look like a damn crack addict running around. It'll die down, don't worry, I remember this from last time I started it.
UGH UGH UGH. I don't even care about this interview anymore. I'm still doing the interview, and I'm still going to try at it, but honestly at this point, if they say "sorry, not you" I really just don't give a frick. Far too many other things for me to be focused on right now.
Sorry, I had to vent. I feel like my guts are going to explode. O.o CLEAN UP ON AISLE 12!
Geez Katie...when it rains it pours I guess. Wish I could help.
Somebody please give Katie a VALIUM !!!!!!! She's about to blow!!
Why didn't the Dr give you something that would help you along till the Lexipro kicks in??? You need some relief now, hon. Bless Your Heart
Really, I've calmed down a lot. My manager considers Justin and I his kids to an extent, so he just sat with me for about 30 mins while I dumped on him. He's a good second dad :)
Thats Great Katie, talking to someone kind really does help, sorry your mom went off on yaHuggs
Sheesh.
Now my interview is Friday. :| Long story short, a big wig called and said she was dropping by tomorrow, so Brooke had to clear her schedule. I teased Brooke and said "forget it then, I don't want to work for you anymore" She laughed :)
Angel had to give me sh*t over the schedule I just made. We just lost Christine B. to college - her last day was yesterday. So this new schedule I had to do a little different, and he USUALLY (not always) gets tuesday and wednesday off. Well, I couldn't do it like that this time, he got Wednesday and Thursday instead. Which he got snotty about, trying to tell me that for the past 7 months he's gotten tues and weds EVERY WEEK - which is total bullsh*t and I called him on it. James was standing up here as well, and pretty much told him to deal with it, no one here has a set schedule, but we do our best. Of course, Angel replies with "Christine M. does" Yeah, she does, because she has joint custody of her 4 kids and we do it to help her comply with her court order.
WHAT AN ASS!! >.<
I'm going home early today, by the way.......
Oh Katie. I wish I could be there just to give you Mom/Gramma hugs. You really need some. Go home and get comfy and snuggle up in your favorite place and just have a bit of "Katie-time". Just let yourself go and try to relax a bit.
A few years ago, when my oldest daughter was critically ill, in ICU, I was trying to help her not be afraid. (She's okay,now) But I would tell her to just try to relax and let her mind see a calm, peaceful place. With a water fall nearby, and a field of beautiful flowers. There was a quiet breeze, washing over her taking her worries away.
I'm loaning you her place for a while. She won't mind. You need it more than she does. Hope it can help you a little bit.
Feel better,sweetie.
Big gentle hugs,
Nini
Is it okay if while I'm at that place, I'm quietly holding someones head under that waterfall? *grins*